Dominic, I like the riposte (to self?)
Deny the senses? Would you live on sky
For some reason the line about raisins hits home too.
Bill
On Fri, 20 Oct 2017 at 6:03 am, Dominic Fox <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks Doug!
>
> The intended sense is "my bare feet press against the chilly sky, the
> clouds [are] my bathrobe and my happiness as, opening the fridge for last
> week's chocolate...". The cold kitchen floor is associated to the sky, the
> fluffy towelling bathrobe and feeling of warm happiness within it are
> associated to the clouds. It's grammatically a bit on the edge, which is
> one of the pitfalls of the form I suppose.
>
> Cheers,
> Dominic
>
> On Thu, 19 Oct 2017 at 19:28 Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > This one isn’t that silly, Dominic; it has its real demands, & you rise
> to
> > them well.
> >
> > I like the shifts, of situation, & tone.
> >
> > I did not ‘get’ this line, the ‘the’ seems off?
> >
> > the clouds my bathrobe and my happiness
> >
> > But the rest moved my mind right along…
> >
> > Doug
> > > On Oct 19, 2017, at 9:32 AM, Dominic Fox <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> > >
> > > Another silly formal exercise, this one with word-endings suggested by
> > > Kathy Bell. Once again, it strangely self-organised into meaningfulness
> > as
> > > I wrote it.
> > >
> > > D
> > >
> > > ---
> > >
> > > SYNAESTHESIA SESTINA
> > >
> > > In dreams there sometimes comes the taste of chocolate
> > > spread out across the senses, a blue-sky
> > > thinking that gluts itself on inspiration.
> > > Take that for starters, and then visualise
> > > if possible a citrus tang of fright
> > > with creamy undertones of happiness
> > >
> > > as shampoo adverts picture happiness:
> > > a lustrousness, like that of melted chocolate
> > > swirling with comfort, dissipating fright,
> > > as aromatic as an autumn sky.
> > > It's with the tastebuds that I visualise,
> > > as through the spinal nerve romps inspiration.
> > >
> > > Fresh produce is my greatest inspiration:
> > > the pears and artichokes of happiness.
> > > To bite down is at once to visualise,
> > > through insta-filter granting hue of chocolate,
> > > the softly rippled surface of the sky.
> > > (I do not know why raisins taste of fright -
> > >
> > > something hard-pressed, as though the taste of fright
> > > were always against the teeth of inspiration.)
> > > My bare feet press against the chilly sky,
> > > the clouds my bathrobe and my happiness
> > > as, opening the fridge for last week's chocolate,
> > > uneaten bacon makes me visualise
> > >
> > > a bristling pig who could not visualise
> > > that outcome, who once oinked devoid of fright,
> > > as happy in the mud as I in chocolate.
> > > Bless you, dear porker, for this inspiration,
> > > and for your insolent piggy happiness
> > > beneath a fatty rasher-streak of sky.
> > >
> > > Deny the senses? Would you live on sky?
> > > I lack the mystics' knack to visualise
> > > in squalor their eternal happiness.
> > > The smell of deprivation gives me fright.
> > > I would much rather have for inspiration
> > > A solid, hand-felt monument of chocolate.
> > >
> > > This glowering sky gives me no cause for fright
> > > when I can visualise, for inspiration,
> > > the earthly happiness of lovely chocolate.
> >
> > Douglas Barbour
> > [log in to unmask]
> > https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> >
> > Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations
> > 2 (UofAPress).
> > Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> > Listen. If (UofAPress):
> >
> > There was the usual amount of corruption, intimidation, and rioting.
> >
> > Sir Charles Petrie
> >
>
|