Fine indeed, Sharon. The place listing works for me, almost echoing the
grief running through the body bit by bit, and the way you describe the
water residuals in the garden is so moving. I'm happy with the abruptness
of the final line too which breaks up the 'organised' pain before it into
that simple summary statement of yearning.
Bill
On Wed, 21 Jun 2017 at 3:08 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> Yes, it is very fine.
> I am not sure that you need that final and separate line. I think the poem
> is saying that all the way through
>
> L
>
> On 20 June 2017 at 17:22, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > I like this very much, Sharon. Reciprocal weather and personal reality.
> > Very fine. Sheila
> >
> > On Tue, Jun 20, 2017 at 8:40 AM, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >
> > > You leave and then
> > >
> > > it rains and rains.
> > >
> > > Flood warnings
> > >
> > > for Ovando, Seeley
> > >
> > > Garnet, Greenough,
> > >
> > > Clearwater. The garden
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > glistens, glitter on lilac
> > >
> > > leaves in shafts of sun.
> > >
> > > I sit alone on the wooden
> > >
> > > bench, hood up, smoking,
> > >
> > > listening to rain, percussive
> > >
> > > on the furnace pipe. This old
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > body hums. My knee aches
> > >
> > > and I try to remember where
> > >
> > > I put the cane. I remind myself:
> > >
> > > weather changes. This land
> > >
> > > will be dry again. There will
> > >
> > > be drought.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Come back.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > sharon brogan
> > > http://www.sbpoet.com
> > > http://www.sbpoet.net
> > > http://smallpoems.sbpoet.net
> > > 406.578.1788
> > >
> >
>
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