Thanks, all. I will approach it with a cold eye in days to come. (I'm out
of hospital and on the mend.)
Andrew
On 6 October 2016 at 02:10, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Agree with Bill, not least on your recovery (& Banjo’s), Andrew.
>
> But it seems to me that some trimming will help throughout. And check
> whether you want caps or not at the beginning of all lines, as it’s not
> clear now. I do like that final image.
>
> Doug
> > On Oct 5, 2016, at 4:06 AM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > Thanks, Bill - thanks, Patrick. Still working on it!
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations
> 2 (UofAPress).
> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>
> Four or five couplets trying to dance
> into Persia. Who dances in Persia now?
>
> A magic carpet, a prayer mat, red.
> A knocked off head of somebody on her broken knees.
>
> Phyllis Webb
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
Books available through Walleah Press
http://walleahpress.com.au
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