All a question of tone & what one likes, I think.
I rather like the many rhymes both internal & end. Seems like a bit of a song for what’s gone but not forgotten?
A memory shifting slowly into a continued representation it feels like. Both very intimate & yet distant too, keeping this reader unsure of just how close the writer is to her…
You seem to be finding much to write about these days, Max. All these tales…
Doug
> On Apr 6, 2016, at 1:24 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Very sensitively rendered, Max. Not particularly taken by the title of the
> opening piece even though the image is worked into being well. The
> tentativeness comes across generally, exploring the nascent relationship
> with the haltingness of your language. Really like the pulse/neck/heart
> link. Not fully persuaded of the oddly assembled opening to part 2. In the
> third stanza, posture seems to need a comma after it, but all those words:
> posture, poise, elegance (and later, grace) seem a bit too descriptive in a
> 'telling' way after the feeling actions and highly individualised thoughts
> beforehand. Your call, of course. Part 3 is sprightly. Can you get away
> with manoeuvre/ oeuvre however? Charms certainly sung.
>
> Bill
>
> On Wednesday, 6 April 2016, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Singing Her Charms
>>
>> 1. Whatever
>>
>> At her throat a black necklace -
>> ribbon? - necktie? - whatever -
>> held her steady in its clasp
>>
>> while she glanced my way
>> calculating, it seemed,
>> when to place at my throat
>>
>> that restless hand of hers.
>> Mine was ready to cover hers,
>> hold it in place, test our
>>
>> strength. Would we stay
>> upright? Would she recoil?
>> Staring at her necklace
>>
>> kept my gaze from her eyes.
>> There was a pulse - her throat
>> marked time with her heart.
>>
>> Now I saw in that place,
>> no ribbon necktie or necklace,
>> but a black tattoo shaped as snake.
>>
>> At this coil, its small head
>> eyes and forked tongue,
>> I recoiled, forfeiting
>>
>> whatever chance it was.
>> We stayed upright. She smiled:
>> ‘You don’t like my choker?’
>>
>>
>> 2. The Impression She Left
>>
>> Where she had, that
>> slow afternoon, sat
>> in my quiet house,
>> a soft impression
>> remained on the cushion -
>>
>> fond reminder,
>> though mere remainder
>> not sadly of what
>> she’d said with that
>> music in her voice
>>
>> nor of her beguiling
>> lingering smiling,
>> but her alert posture
>> poise and elegance,
>> my covert glance,
>>
>> and the slow moment
>> when she rose to her feet,
>> as so often, bare,
>> and crossed to the door
>> vacating her place
>>
>> well before her welcome
>> could be outworn.
>> What had she said? -
>> words if written down,
>> unremarkable enough.
>>
>> If taped, that voice
>> might hint: never erase
>> what is so rare:
>> durable impression
>> of ephemeral grace.
>>
>>
>> 3. Prima Vera Senior
>>
>> Alive! and so alive!
>> not me, you well see -
>> she - that one there -
>> her - all those years
>> then all these years
>> alive, and so alive,
>>
>> confounding us
>> who are as old
>> and feel - older,
>> decrepit,
>> near the exit
>> about to bow out.
>>
>> Not her, unfailingly
>> making her entrance
>> afresh like the spring.
>> A smile like hers
>> you won’t get from me,
>> maybe not one at all.
>>
>> It helps that she’s tall,
>> you see her coming
>> like the spring.
>> The first bluebell,
>> the daffodil,
>> rising morale.
>>
>> Rising sap, one used
>> to say, with a tap
>> on a tree or side
>> of one’s nose.
>> But I digress.
>> She still blooms!
>>
>> lights up rooms
>> (excuse cliches),
>> spreads bonhomie.
>> Her mother must have
>> given her the love
>> she’s given others
>>
>> the rest of her life,
>> a life of generous
>> manoeuvre,
>> which written or
>> composed would make
>> a long oeuvre
>>
>> of benevolent
>> munificence.
>> Womanliness,
>> inclusive embrace,
>> blessed with daughters
>> providing sequels
>>
>> chapter and verse
>> their mother’s equals
>> proving their heritage
>> in her old age
>> in my old age
>> in our old age.
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
Transforming once reasonable human beings into gullible idiots is one of the biggest businesses we have.
Charles Simic.
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