Thanks, Sheila, Max.
Not sure why 'shore break' bothers you, Max, 'so early'. It would be more
acceptable later? I considered replacing 'shooting' but like its 'sh' sound
and mean to imply ranging out from her body or sprouting, if you will. If
the leg shot out quickly at first, that's as maybe.
Anyway, I'm glad to have confirmation for excising 'around which' and have
tinkered with fourth stanza to make the parting clearer.
Bill
She sits skewiff
She sits skewiff,
one leg shooting
out to shore break,
the other splayed
sandwards.
Played-out waves
encircle her,
an island
of slump.
Beach strollers
diverge either side,
seeing she's there
for the duration.
Her firstborn splashes
in nearby shallows.
Loose top semi-soaked,
arms trawling wet
sand runnels, facing
sun full-on, she
radiates surrender.
bw
3.2.16
On Wednesday, 3 February 2016, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> Me, as well, for the alternative. This is a very rich piece. It's
> evocative.
>
>
> On Tue, Feb 2, 2016 at 5:10 PM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]
> <javascript:;>> wrote:
>
> > Yes, like the alternative better. That's my vote.
> >
> > Andrew
> > <
> >
> https://www.avast.com/sig-email?utm_medium=email&utm_source=link&utm_campaign=sig-email&utm_content=webmail
> > >
> > This
> > email has been sent from a virus-free computer protected by Avast.
> > www.avast.com
> > <
> >
> https://www.avast.com/sig-email?utm_medium=email&utm_source=link&utm_campaign=sig-email&utm_content=webmail
> > >
> > <#DDB4FAA8-2DD7-40BB-A1B8-4E2AA1F9FDF2>
> >
> > On 3 February 2016 at 10:03, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]
> <javascript:;>>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > She sits skewiff,
> > > one leg shooting
> > > out to shore break,
> > > the other splayed
> > > sandwards.
> > >
> > > Played-out waves
> > > encircle her,
> > > an island of slump,
> > > around which
> > > beach strollers divert.
> > >
> > > They can see
> > > she's there for
> > > the duration.
> > > Her firstborn splashes
> > > in nearby shallows.
> > >
> > > Loose top semi-soaked,
> > > arms trawling wet
> > > sand runnels, facing
> > > sun full-on, she
> > > radiates surrender.
> > >
> > > bw
> > >
> > > Just wondering, is 'around which' a shocker?
> > >
> > > Could be:
> > >
> > > Played-out waves
> > > encircle her,
> > > an island
> > > of slump.
> > > Beach strollers divert.
> > >
> > > Thoughts?
> > >
> > > Bill
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Andrew
> > http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> > Books available through Walleah Press
> > http://walleahpress.com.au
> >
>
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