It being the ides of Christmas and my brain being a little dormant, I offer
a snapshot of where my head is: some recent ideas for t-shirt slogans that
I do not have the funds to realise
HOLE EARTH
and
PLEASE ASK FOR ASSISTANCE
(I did have, must still have somewhere, a t-shirt which said Kernow bys
vyken, or Cornwall for ever which I wore for annoyance value as much as
anything; but was then annoyed when figuratively buttonholed at a Cornelius
Cardew event by an enthusiast who insisted I was wearing it as a tribute,
Cardew having been born in Cornwall.)
or there's this from my Christmas e-card
“Good grief!” exclaimed Gandalf, “Don't you Hobbits listen to anything?
We are in alliance with Mordor. Yes?
Mordor has *our* best interests at heart. Yes?”
“I thought –“, began Sam, but Gandalf silenced him by continuing to speak:
“I have tremendous admiration for Sauron even if I disagree on some matters
of policy.”
“Surely –“, began Sam, whereupon Gandalf hit him across the bridge of the
nose with his staff.
“No surelies, Sam. No thoughts. Now listen. I know I said once that The
Ring could be destroyed in Mount Doom; but no one seriously proposes that
nowadays; and certainly not Secretary of State Gollum. The Ring has kept
the peace these 500 years. The danger we face is from Ring Proliferation. I
hope I don't have to repeat myself again. To limit that danger we must bomb
Lorien. It's a clash of civilisation. It's their own fault.
Frodo, stop fussing over Sam. Sam, I am sorry I didn’t use my staff in the
recommended manner, but it jams in this climate and only works as a cosh.
Frodo, get me some of that rough red wine and a lot of carbohydrate. I have
a big meeting tonight.”
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