Kill your darlings they say.
Bill
On Friday, December 18, 2015, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> You're probably right, Pat about 'curlily'.
>
> On Friday, December 18, 2015, Patrick McManus <
> [log in to unmask]
> <javascript:_e(%7B%7D,'cvml',[log in to unmask]);>> wrote:
>
>> Bill I think that I am silently floating this morning! my tatters snapping
>> not sure about' curlily' maybe???? curled ? or all curled cheers P
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message----- From: Bill Wootton
>> Sent: Thursday, December 17, 2015 11:12 PM
>> To: [log in to unmask]
>> Subject: Re: Bark
>>
>> Thanks, Andrew. Still thinking on the loosed/unloosed thing which Doug
>> jumped on. Maybe unfurled? Or can I get flayed in there somewhere? It's
>> coming together.
>>
>> Bill
>>
>> On Thursday, December 17, 2015, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>
>> I like the latest version, and think second part does add to first. Well
>>> worked on :-)
>>>
>>>
>>> Andrew
>>> <
>>>
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>>>
>>> On 17 December 2015 at 09:54, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]
>>> <javascript:;>> wrote:
>>>
>>> > Thanks, Doug, Lawrence.
>>> >
>>> > I have had another go at the poem in the meantime. Not sure if the
>>> loosing/
>>> > unloosing issue has been resolved, Doug. Unloosed seemed to have too >
>>> many
>>> > Western associations.
>>> >
>>> > Bill
>>> >
>>> > Bark 7
>>> >
>>> > Sound of thick tinder dry ribbons
>>> > of pink bark scraping high up
>>> > on lemon-scented gum trunk:
>>> > kerthup pup whaaap -
>>> > at full stretch, then dangling,
>>> > or draping curlily,
>>> > till the next wind gust.
>>> >
>>> > One swirl soon, tatter will snap.
>>> > Loosing from home limb cling,
>>> > parting from attachments,
>>> > requires a surprising degree
>>> > of wrench. And after break-
>>> > away, how will it feel,
>>> > silently floating?
>>> >
>>> > bw
>>> > 17.12.15
>>> >
>>> > On Thursday, December 17, 2015, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]
>>> <javascript:;>>
>>> > wrote:
>>> >
>>> > > Yes, I like the 2nd version better, Bill. But 'Unloosing’? It is
>>> loosing
>>> > > itself from, isn’t it? Getting (or going) loose?
>>> > >
>>> > > I see why you desire that 2nd stanza as such, but find the sheer
>>> visceral
>>> > > description of the first more engaging…
>>> > >
>>> > > Doug
>>> > > > On Dec 16, 2015, at 5:37 AM, Bill Wootton <
>>> [log in to unmask]
>>> <javascript:;>
>>> > > <javascript:;>> wrote:
>>> > > >
>>> > > > Thanks, Max, Pat. I wanted to have two separate stanzas, the first
>>> > > > a straight description, the second an application or exploration if
>>> you
>>> > > > will. I've had another go :
>>> > > >
>>> > > > Bark
>>> > > >
>>> > > > Sound of scraping thick
>>> > > > tinder dry ribbons of pink bark:
>>> > > > kerthup pup whaaap - high
>>> > > > on lemon-scented gum trunk,
>>> > > > wind-whipped, dangling,
>>> > > > then draping curlily,
>>> > > > till the next gust.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > One swirl soon, tatter will snap
>>> > > > free from home trunk cling.
>>> > > > Unloosing from attachments
>>> > > > to familiar territories requires
>>> > > > surprising wrench. And after
>>> > > > break-away, how will it feel,
>>> > > > silently floating?
>>> > > >
>>> > > > bw
>>> > > > 16.12.15
>>> > > >
>>> > > > Bill
>>> > > >
>>> > > >
>>> > > > On Wednesday, December 16, 2015, Patrick McManus <
>>> > > > [log in to unmask] <javascript:;> <javascript:;>>
>>> wrote:
>>> > > >
>>> > > >> Bill thanks as Max says a bit of spacing out helped me (in a
>>> manner
>>> of
>>> > > >> speaking!)and snap is in there!cheers P
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> -----Original Message----- From: Max Richards
>>> > > >> Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 11:15 PM
>>> > > >> To: [log in to unmask] <javascript:;> <javascript:;>
>>> > > >> Subject: Re: Bark
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> You like cramming perceptions in, and I respect that, Bill.
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> But I also feel you’d help readers like me
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> if you spaced them out a bit,
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> On Dec 15, 2015, at 13:57, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]
>>> <javascript:;>
>>> > > <javascript:;>> wrote:
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> Kerthup pup whaaap.
>>> > > >>> Sound of scraping thick
>>> > > >>>
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> tinder dry ribbons of pink bark
>>> > > >>> high on lemon-scented gum trunk,
>>> > > >>>
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> dangling, doing the whip-wind
>>> > > >>> driven thing, then draping
>>> > > >>> curlily till the next gust.
>>> > > >>>
>>> > > >>> Tricky, seeking to snap free
>>> > > >>> from home trunk cling.
>>> > > >>>
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> Swirling visits attest
>>> > > >>> to ongoing attachments
>>> > > >>> in familiar territories.
>>> > > >>>
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> After
>>> > > >>> breakaway, how will it feel,
>>> > > >>> silently floating?
>>> > > >>>
>>> > > >>> bw
>>> > > >>>
>>> > > >> No, I haven’t found an ideal layout, sorry. Over to you.
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> I do follow these dynamic images in their sequence,
>>> > > >> making me see afresh what I’ve half noticed before.
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> Maybe the ‘swirling’ sentence just by being reflective
>>> > > >> brings about a lowering of pressure and temperature,
>>> > > >> a shade more than suits the poem.
>>> > > >>
>>> > > >> Max
>>> > >
>>> > > Douglas Barbour
>>> > > [log in to unmask] <javascript:;> <javascript:;>
>>> > > https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>> > >
>>> > > Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
>>> Continuation
>>> > 2
>>> > > (UofAPress).
>>> > > Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>>> > >
>>> > > Done in by creation itself.
>>> > >
>>> > > I mean the gods. Not us. Well us too.
>>> > > The gods moved into books. Who wrote the books?
>>> > > We wrote the books. In whose dream, then are we dreaming?
>>> > >
>>> > > Robert Kroetsch.
>>> > >
>>> >
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Andrew
>>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>>> Books available through Walleah Press
>>> http://walleahpress.com.au
>>>
>>>
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