Thanks, Bill.
I like to have my endings heading somewhere else. And if you spent some time with my fridge maybe some of the similes wouldn't be as surprising.
Cheers,
Jill
On 08/10/2015, at 12:43 PM, Bill Wootton wrote:
> I see the context for stanza one now that you have explained but it is
> stanza two that grabs me, all that acceptance of and adoption of fridge as
> pally. And those surprising similes. See Doug's point about deleting the
> it's moments. Final stanza takes the poem somewhere else which enriches it.
> Well done.
>
> Bill
>
> On Wednesday, October 7, 2015, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> A Rising
>>
>>
>>
>> the sky’s getting close to Libra rising
>>
>> it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with balance or beauty
>>
>> is it a hustle, or a joke
>>
>> some kind of maintenance of the mundane
>>
>> another lie like any other lie
>>
>> whatever refusal or dance is needed
>>
>> as the wind suddenly turns into rain
>>
>> then just as suddenly subsides
>>
>> as necessity leads nowhere
>>
>> as effects are simply effects rather than evidence
>>
>> or a lead-in to an argument that might become reason
>>
>>
>>
>> the fridge hums
>>
>> it’s not mimicking the brief rain, it’s a machine
>>
>> but for a moment it almost sounds like
>>
>> a comrade, like a passing train
>>
>> or tinnitus, blood, a pen writing across a page
>>
>> any sound you could befriend
>>
>> anything that sounds like some dialogue
>>
>> you imagined when you imagined
>>
>> walking out into the world
>>
>>
>>
>> as if there were people
>>
>> as if trees grew out of deliberate earth
>>
>> and as if there was such a thing as singing
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