Your call entirely, Schrodinger. I see what you mean about how you might want unsequenced events.
GitBill
On 05/09/2015, at 8:54 PM, Lawrence Upton wrote:
> Hi Bill
>
>
> Sorry to take so long replying. Been preoccupied with mundane things...
>
>
> I *meant, though how would you know?, tear as in getting torn
>
>
> I like it as a present tense of the verb, but that ain't what I meant
>
>
> Torn eyes would, I suppose – thankfully I've never witnessed it – plop; but
> it was *that experientially expected reality and the poem reality clashing
> with it that I was after
>
>
> I did pause in the writing over the reading amiguity and saw no way round
> apart from a footnote – and saints or anyone else preserve us
>
>
> I plan to read it unless someone gets the gag on me first and then there'd
> be no ambiguity
>
>
> & I don't want the text to be the cause of anything!!!! It's just there.
> This and this and this, unconnected except by being in my sequence or if
> you or anyone likes some kind of entanglement
>
>
> That's on my mind, entanglement, because New Scientist blurbed something or
> other about Einstein being proved wrong – and that turned out to be re his
> dislike of the quantum and not of his main theses.
>
>
> Sound as though I know what I am talking about don't I.... Exit pursued by
> Schrodinger's cat
>
>
> This was written not only before I read that but not really anything to do
> with it. My mental world has its own weirdnesses
>
>
> L
>
>
>
>
> On 1 September 2015 at 22:57, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Like the title, L and the opening line. 'clatter' seems too heavy a verb,
>> when it arrives, but I like the notion of tears melting and being nothing
>> but distractions to a pebbled floor. Not sure of the couplet in the middle
>> but I like also the final stanza and wonder whether you could open with
>> this, so the shimmering, disappearing text becomes the cause of the tears?
>>
>> Bill
>>
>>> On 2 Sep 2015, at 3:46 am, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>>
>>> Shaped mist forms a rip in curtaining
>>>
>>> eyes tear, falling, drip,
>>> clatter, pebbles floored,
>>> and melt – small distractions.
>>>
>>> Light scrips turn through the cavity,
>>> partially notative, steadying rates.
>>>
>>> Air thickens
>>> text shimmers
>>> before disappearing.
>>>
>>
>
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