Intriguing, Sheila. I thought at first the poem was about a bushfire. Otherwise how can rising smoke 'sound'? But, no, it is a 'gentle afternoon'. Whether you adopt Andrew's suggestion or not, I like the final stanza best, although would you consider replacing the comma after 'heard' in line 15 with a semi-colon? The whole stanza sounds so circular and reads so beautifully.
Bill
> On 19 Aug 2015, at 12:28 pm, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> I like it, Sheila, for its centredness, surprisingly: She is the centre and
> they are outer perimeter. Reading it like this, I'd like to move the last
> verse first. Before you say 'no', try it. I think it works nicely.
>
> Andrew
> Peripheral poet
>
>> On 19 August 2015 at 11:39, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> Where she is, they are
>> indistinguishable from the sound
>> of thin smoke rising
>> to the heat of afternoon
>>
>> Where they are, trees are,
>> along the warm cement wall
>> where they sit, and where she smokes
>> the slender brand, this gentle afternoon
>>
>> Where they speak, they do not hear
>> smoke rise toward the blue
>> behind lace branches where the shadow
>> mimics slight moves of receiving branches
>>
>> Where she listens, her small breath
>> is heard, not smoke, not voice,
>> not thin wind, just the blend
>> of each one being where they are
>>
>> Sheila E. Murphy
>
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