Thanks, Millicent, and also Bill,
I take your point about the excessive lines.
I had wanted to evoke more the sanctioned sensuousness
of sun-baking back then,
when still slow to emerge was
the outspoken sexuality of more recent years.
Another time…
Max
On Jul 25, 2015, at 11:31, Millicent Borges Accardi <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I love so much about this poem! The premise, the title, THAT I want to keep the "olden-day" feel. The poems works very well (to me) from the start until
>
>
> Walking the park this
> hot summer
>> I see few fanatic tanners,.
> The story is like an impressionistic painting and I am along for the carriage ride around the lake. However, I liked it less when it became modern and I agree with Bill who commented that the Queen Anne description was too much.
> So, my question is, is there a way to keep the poem in that original timeline? Like maybe consider not using names of tanning shops, etc.?
> The language and feel of this beginning are so beautiful, I want the rest of the poem to live up to that same level and charm of the opening stanzas-
>
>
>
> The Age of Sunbathing
>>
>> occurred after my parents’
>> generation,
> swathing
>> themselves in skin-protecting
>> clothes, preferring shade,
>>
>>
> under parasols, erecting
>> arbours and gazebos,
>> admiring complexions
>> they
> called English Rose.
>
>
> Millicent
>
>
>
> Kale Soup for the Soul
>
>
> http://www.MillicentBorgesAccardi.com
>
> @TopangaHippie on Twitter
>
> Água mole em pedra dura tanto dá até que fura
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> To: POETRYETC <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Thu, Jul 23, 2015 3:13 am
> Subject: Re: 'The Age of Sunbathing'
>
>
> Like this, Max but don't feel you need to identify Queen Anne so chattily
> mid-poem. Those tanning parlours have largely been banned here due to cancer
> damage and some young woman who over-tanned and died a few years ago whose name
> escapes me now.
>
> Bill
>
> On 23/07/2015, at 12:13 AM, Max Richards wrote:
>
>>
> The Age of Sunbathing
>>
>> occurred after my parents’
>> generation,
> swathing
>> themselves in skin-protecting
>> clothes, preferring shade,
>>
>>
> under parasols, erecting
>> arbours and gazebos,
>> admiring complexions
>> they
> called English Rose.
>>
>> My peer group wanted tan,
>> minimal swimming
> gear,
>> laughed at sunburn, peeling skin,
>> joked about the midday sun.
>>
>>
> So we baked by pool, ocean,
>> riverbank - on exhibition
>> our full-length
> narcissism -
>> brow, back, chest, thigh, tum, bum.
>>
>> Walking the park this
> hot summer
>> I see few fanatic tanners,
>> yet shopfronts nearby say: you’re
>
>> safe in our suntan studio.
>>
>> Sun Tan City, Desert Sun, Tropical Tan
>>
> on Queen Anne (that’s a hill
>> suburb near me in Seattle).
>> There’s Rainglow
> Airbrush Tanning,
>>
>> Cactus Club Tanning! (ouch?) -
>> red light therapy,
> the Ergoline
>> tanning bed - while warnings come
>> against binge tanning,
> skin
>>
>> damage, melanoma.
>> I asked my doctor, told my story -
>> Celtic
> genes from furthest north -
>> sunbaked Kiwi turned Aussie.
>>
>> The two top
> skin cancer countries!
>> Zap with the liquid nitrogen
>> against my suspect
> bits of skin!
>> Take that BCC to the surgeon!
>>
>> Cryotherapy or the
> knife!
>> He puts my ear to sleep - hold still -
>> not many stitches. Wear a
> hat,
>> sunblock, stay indoors, stay well.
>
>
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