What I’d call a ‘translated trans-Pacific’ bush ballad, Max.
Doug
On Apr 29, 2015, at 2:06 PM, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Seattle Bedbug Blues
>
> She opened her eyes in the darkness
> and what was staring back
> but a Seattle bug with her blood in?
> She pounced - it died in
> her fist, then lay in her bedside glass
> till the morning brought on the blues.
>
> Take it away to the landlord,
> ask him what it is,
> what’s he going to do?
> It’s his responsibility
> to keep these units spruce
> or we’ll all go down with the blues.
>
> The landlord said it’s a bedbug
> that lives off human blood.
> It breeds so fast! - hundreds
> will be swarming in all my units
> and it’s your responsibility
> we’ve got the bedbug blues.
>
> I’m sending you the expert in
> infestation investigation.
> He’ll inspect you thoroughly
> and say what must be done.
> He came, he sniffed, he pried,
> he poked and said: aha, here’s one! -
>
> stuffing it in his pocket
> and sidling to the door.
> Name the day we’ll come in force
> and pesticide you everywhere!
> But pesticide will kill us too! -
> we’ve got the pesticide blues.
>
> Then stand by in your apartment
> for the one day Heat Treatment.
> You’ll bag all books and clothing.
> In two weeks your bugs will die -
> with our killer Strips in each bag
> Seattle bedbugs die.
>
> They cleaned they laundered
> they vacuumed everywhere.
> They itched at night and pounced
> on black specks moving on the floor.
> She read them up on the internet
> with dread and the bedbug blues.
>
> The size of apple pips they are! -
> that’s if they’re mature.
> Their baby nymphs are everywhere
> and human blood is what they need
> to grow and feed and multiply -
> till the world has the bedbug blues.
>
> A second inspector comes with charm
> inspiring trust in this second firm.
> He rescues us from feeling shame -
> New York? he says, no-one is clean -
> the Clintons had them, the Trumps -
> all have had the bedbug blues.
>
> I think you’re clean, I’ll send along
> my colleague in a few days’ time.
> He’ll do his check and I predict
> my judgment he’ll confirm.
> Defer eradication now!
> No need to have the bedbug blues.
>
> The third man comes and brings his dog,
> a qualified bug-sniffer-out.
> Nowhere we’ve sat or slept
> alerts its sensitive nose.
> All clear! rejoice! we’ve won
> reprieve from Seattle’s bedbug blues.
>
> But vigilance forever, everyone,
> and watch these interceptors
> placed now where your bed legs stand.
> A bug that comes in search of blood
> should fall foul of this plastic moat.
> Foiled by our cunning there it dies.
>
> She went to bed that night in tears
> of gratitude. God who made bedbugs
> to pester cavemen and every man
> and woman since, she’d thwarted
> by her tireless work. No more
> taking her hairdryer to bed with her!
>
> She’d beat the Seattle bedbug blues.
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
There is no life that does not rise
melodic from scales of the marvelous.
To which our grief refers.
Robert Duncan.
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