I like its swing, Jill. Sure, fiddle but don't let editing a great
first/second draft interfere with your flow. It seems to me your time to
write is now - keep going. Don't stop to edit. Do taht later when the flow
is not coming so well. (Just my thoughts - and maybe my way of doing
things. Creativity of a raw kind only comes to me in waves and I need to
ride 'em iut when they're going!)
Andrew
On 2 October 2014 06:55, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I like the second person perspective, Jill. And the sense of drifting
> through. Still seems to be coming together as a piece.
>
> Bill
>
> > On 2 Oct 2014, at 12:32 am, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> > DJURGåRDEN
> >
> >
> >
> > It smells sweet here under the dying trees,
> >
> > there's still a fruit and a high nest,
> >
> > and laughter, none of it for you
> >
> > and you can be happy in that.
> >
> >
> >
> > You're not looking for anything
> >
> > that hasn't been already found, you leave
> >
> > aside grace, or desire, or violence, even
> >
> > boredom, they do not apply.
> >
> >
> >
> > You pass green trees, a green field,
> >
> > people drinking beer, torn posters
> >
> > in a language, pizzas and drifters in a language.
> >
> > You pass as afternoon passes.
> >
> > And so many bridges.
> >
> > Sunset and neon is all to do with change,
> >
> > it's never otherwise,
> >
> > happiness to disgust, disquiet to joy,
> >
> > all in a quasi-sexual movement, a light
> >
> > that never quite leaves even one-ness.
> >
> > It's the cells colliding, the dancing queens,
> >
> > the drums and glittering shoulders.
> >
> > It is in fact the skin which curls up between
> >
> > who you are and where you've been.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ________________________
> >
> > Jill Jones www.jilljones.com.au
> >
> >
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
'Undercover of Lightness'
http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
'Shikibu Shuffle'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
|