Thanks Sheila. that might be a good idea, although I'm still thinking on it
:)
On 19 August 2014 23:07, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I really like this, David. Tiny suggestions would be to remove the second
> "still" (final stanza line 3) for effect.
>
> Great work! Sheila
>
>
> On Tue, Aug 19, 2014 at 3:00 PM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
> > Moving, David. I get the gratitude I think. I found myself reading 'bank'
> > for 'blank' but maybe that's the final river interposing. Like
> particularly
> > 'footfall echo maps'.
> >
> > Bill
> >
> > > On 20 Aug 2014, at 7:48 am, David Bircumshaw <
> [log in to unmask]>
> > wrote:
> > >
> > > * Scantling Saywas*
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Even though the walls
> > >
> > > Collapsed like lungs
> > >
> > > Even though to speak
> > >
> > > Burnt like a grate
> > >
> > > Even though your body
> > >
> > > Melted into space
> > >
> > > Even though the blank
> > >
> > > Was flamed through with holes
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > The morning still maintained
> > >
> > > A message from before
> > >
> > > The paths still proclaimed
> > >
> > > Footfall echo maps
> > >
> > > And afternoons still basked
> > >
> > > A scent of light turning
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Over on an open river
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > David Joseph Bircumshaw
> > > Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> > > http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk
> > > The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> > > Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw
> > > Tumblr: http://zantikus.tumblr.com/
> > > twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave
> > > blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/
> > > Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.com
> > >
> >
>
--
David Joseph Bircumshaw
Website and A Chide's Alphabet
http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk
The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw
Tumblr: http://zantikus.tumblr.com/
twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave
blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/
Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.com
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