Take care, Bill, in Cairns.
I once stayed there in a hotel overlooking the non-beach.
Next door was the Cairns Hospital helipad.
Not noisy all the time.
Max
On 9 Jul 2014, at 3:12 pm, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks, Lawrence, Doug, Pat and Andrew. Will contemplate both the advice and support. Silently. In noisy
> Cairns.
>
> Bill
>
> On Wed, Jul 9th, 2014 at 12:01 PM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> I simply like it.
>>
>> A
>>
>>
>> On 9 July 2014 02:09, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> After two such learned comments I tread carefully
>>> I enjoyed the poem but (for me it stumbled a bit reading it aloud)
>>> Maybe I am missing summat! Line nine could be lost but also shouldn't
>> 'that
>>> silence' be better 'silence that' then is flows on next lines -also
>> again
>>> 'between interludes of chat' s could be better shorter 'between chat'
>>> Cheers P back to sleep
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
>> On
>>> Behalf Of Lawrence Upton
>>> Sent: 08 July 2014 16:26
>>> To: [log in to unmask]
>>> Subject: Re: Silent snap
>>>
>>> Hi Bill
>>> I like this; and it's been nagging at me because, possibly with
>> arrogance,
>>> I
>>> think you could make it even better...
>>>
>>> What about making line 5 line 4 and vice versa? It changes meanings
>> without
>>> contradicting your meanings. It avoids 4 sibilants "silence is
>> desirable"
>>> together. I *think it makes your "argument " stronger
>>>
>>> I don't think you need line 9. Leaving it out makes you less specific,
>> but
>>> surely that's not the most important thing.
>>>
>>> & finally "establish" bothered me. Sorry but it's a little bit too
>>> businesslike for me. Best I can come up with is empathise. If it *were
>> my
>>> poem, I might go for that, odd though it might be. As it isn't my poem,
>>> I'll
>>> just let my muttering fade out with a thanks for what you have done
>> this
>>> far
>>>
>>> L
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> On 8 July 2014 12:55, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>>> How to create silence
>>>>
>>>> How to establish
>>>> with someone
>>>> that silence
>>>>
>>>> is desirable
>>>> is not a vacuum
>>>> between interludes of chat
>>>>
>>>> that silence is
>>>> what it is.
>>>> Savourable.
>>>>
>>>> bw
>>>> 8.7.14
>>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Andrew
>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>>
>>
|