Thanks, Max, Pat, Doug. I've made it 'us' the closing word of the penultimate line.
Bill, on the move, tonight in northern NSW.
On Thu, Jun 19th, 2014 at 12:43 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I was about to say that, Max, but yes, it turns nicely from the slow
> tackiness, Bill. I guess the passive voice is accurate for the observer
> there...
>
> Doug
> On Jun 17, 2014, at 2:22 PM, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > yes yes yes.
> >
> > a sequel, Bill, might be your instructions for your own
> >
> > last line ‘we’ should be ‘us’ - if you won’t hold it against I for a
> correctness which begins to sound old-fashioned
> >
> > Max
> >
> > On 17 Jun 2014, at 9:53 pm, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >
> >> modern funerals
> >>
> >> applause in the chapel follows
> >> endearments from family members
> >>
> >> tacky 'representative' hits accompany
> >> exhaustive sequences of projected photos
> >>
> >> overflow rooms offer more screens
> >> if you can't make or don't warrant a pew position
> >>
> >> a life is 'celebrated'
> >> sadness consigned to back burner
> >>
> >> Bundling out platitudes by the cliche
> >> a smooth-voiced disc jockey in a suit mc's
> >>
> >> 'through the good times and the bad'
> >> as if many times were not stock neutral
> >>
> >> and yet something of the dead one emerges
> >> squeezed out between the forced rhymes
> >>
> >> of ditties composed with love if not skill
> >> delivered by shaken, shaky voices
> >>
> >> a presence hovers absently over
> >> we second-rate survivors
> >>
> >> bw
> >
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> Recording Dates
> (Rubicon Press)
>
> would you
>
> care to be more
> precise about whatever
> it is you are
> saying, I said
>
> Bill Manhire
>
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