Pat, I laughed. Like the local content too. But you might consider butting out one of your buts. Two buts throws readers out. Line 4 could simply begin, 'It was' for instance without disarming your flow.
Bill
> On 11 Jun 2014, at 6:39 pm, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> RIVER
>
> I am not
> criticising
> she said
> but it was
> all very well
> naming our son
> Moses
> but isn't it
> a bit much
> to make a cradle
> to tar it
> to float it
> in the river
> after all
> the Wandle
> is hardly
> the Nile
> and as far
> as I know
> there are no
> Pharaoh's Daughters
> living in
> Earlsfield
>
>
> pmcmanus
> r573
> some here will know this but
>
> River Wandle is a local piddling River
> Earlsfied -is a sub-suburbia nearby
> This inspired by partner suddenly taking up a writing course -subject 'River
> Wandle'
>
|