and the Sold sign offers itself as a sequel or extension
Max
On 30 May 2014, at 1:13 pm, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Yes, Max, I was wondering about that myself - some of those lines are
> extremely weak on their own. But then again they'll never be on their own.
> I'll jiggle it about and see if any better form appears. Breath is one good
> measure, for sure. Maybe I will try it as a prose poem - In my mind before
> I started writing, I had a vague notion of a pantoum, but that closing
> didn't exist until I wrote it - and I'd hate to lose it. 'Oh, the wonderful
> workings of a wheelbarrow!' as my father would say.
>
> This morning we awoke to find a SOLD sign on Rosie's house. Sad.
>
> Andrew
>
>
>
> On 30 May 2014 10:43, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> endorsing Bill's response, Andrew.
>>
>> However I confess to wondering about what readers of my stuff often say
>> they question, the shortness of the lines.
>> I try to imagine you reading it to listeners and to the pauses your voice
>> will make as you read...
>>
>> Max in Melbourne
>>
>> On 29 May 2014, at 12:07 pm, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> What a beauty, Andrew, right to its neat closure. I did wonder about the
>> line 'she didn't think' at first but seeing the later line 'she hasn't
>> thought', I see how you get it right. And in fact both lines underline the
>> shock phase of the grieving process which doesn't always follow the
>> 'course'.
>>>
>>> Bill
>>>
>>>> On 29 May 2014, at 10:55 am, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> First poem after a long dry spell and many interruptions! All comments
>>>> welcome.
>>>>
>>>> *Rosie's Light*
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> 3.40am I stand in
>>>>
>>>> our front garden.
>>>>
>>>> Across the road
>>>>
>>>> Rosie's kitchen light is on.
>>>>
>>>> It's been on
>>>>
>>>> for months since she
>>>>
>>>> walked in one morning
>>>>
>>>> and found Bob at
>>>>
>>>> the kitchen table, sitting,
>>>>
>>>> resting after nightshift.
>>>>
>>>> Everything changed for
>>>>
>>>> Rosie that morning but
>>>>
>>>> she didn't think to
>>>>
>>>> turn the light off.
>>>>
>>>> Police came and medicos
>>>>
>>>> and such and by
>>>>
>>>> late afternoon everything
>>>>
>>>> was finished .
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Now it's winter.
>>>>
>>>> Rosie goes shopping
>>>>
>>>> with gloves and umbrella
>>>>
>>>> and nods and smiles
>>>>
>>>> when we say 'hello'. But
>>>>
>>>> she hasn't thought to
>>>>
>>>> turn the light off
>>>>
>>>> even though
>>>>
>>>> she's pushed his chair in
>>>>
>>>> and closed the door.
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>> Andrew
>>>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>>>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
>>>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
>>>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
>>>>
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>>>>
>>
>
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> 'Undercover of Lightness'
> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
|