thank you Sheila. I like the alteration of 'has to' to 'must'. I'm chary of
dropping the parentheticals because it is a matter of voice and voice, the
other being both the backdrop of time, as in the names and the archaic
'writhen', and also the inner voice of the speaker commentating on its own
self.
best
dave
On 27 April 2014 20:50, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> David, I find this quite compelling. The footsteps lead the pace, the
> pulse. I keep wanting some of the "parentheticals" to be dropped plus a bit
> of tightening. For instance, "Your stride/must bend and buckle,
> ham-strings/strain like balked wood, eyes/transfixed,/ you lose sen of . .
> ."
> (I've put in the kind of shortening that I speak about):
>
> Because this is a very "heard" piece. It wants to be right there where the
> path is (being made).
>
> Sheila
>
>
> On Sat, Apr 26, 2014 at 11:30 PM, David Bircumshaw <
> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > *Crossing the Mud, the Day Finds *
> >
> > me walking on the line
> > of a worn, smothered path
> > through a brown muddy,
> > mud-muddled, ridge and furrow
> > field (‘rig’, I’m told, they say
> > ‘rig’ in the county)
> >
> > trying to follow
> > someone shorter
> > else’s steps, footsteps,
> > the glue pull of slippage
> > either side. By *Smeeton*
> > (the Smith’s *toun*)
> >
> > *Westerby* (the West farm).
> > Appreciate how hard it is to follow
> > in someone else’s steps. The as they say
> > to follow. To literally.
> > No other gait goes
> >
> > quite the same,
> > on the ancient path. Your stride
> > has to bend and buckle, your ham-strings
> > strain like balked wood, your eyes
> > become transfixed,
> > you lose
> >
> > all sense of track
> > and where (
> > *in the field, the goo mud field*) of what
> > is above, beside, behind you, of where
> > you are heading
> >
> > other than those prints,
> > the small moist prints like mist,
> > on the human way,
> >
> > *writhen *
> > the ever-writing map,
> > across dumped ploughed centuries,
> > the snake-track
> > before you.
> >
> > --
> > David Joseph Bircumshaw
> > Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> > http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk
> > The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> > Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw
> > Tumblr: http://zantikus.tumblr.com/
> > twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave
> > blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/
> > Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.com
> >
>
--
David Joseph Bircumshaw
Website and A Chide's Alphabet
http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk
The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw
Tumblr: http://zantikus.tumblr.com/
twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave
blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/
Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.com
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