Well, it's always only a suggestion, but I admit I made it to 3 young poets during a series of editing sessions yesterday...
And Lawrence thought about it & decided he needed it & that's fine. I am happy to have people make suggestions; then, as always, a writer can say (or write) stet....
Doug
On Nov 14, 2013, at 4:24 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Ha! I don't know about falling foul; but I do know of his preferences.
>
> L
>
>
> On 13 November 2013 21:46, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> If you want to fall foul of Doug, L, you'll is, you'll are. Can be
>> liberating, eventually, but it didn't come naturally to me either.
>>
>> B
>>
>>> On 14 Nov 2013, at 5:03 am, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>>
>>> well i didnt mean too have anyone there but if you feel his her presence
>>> they may be there
>>>
>>> i'll have a look - thanks for that
>>>
>>> i almost certainly need my isses and ares!
>>>
>>> Thanks, Doug
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>> On 13 November 2013 17:59, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> I just felt it did, as if it became an address to someone in the final
>>>> stanza, an apostrophe, & had not been that before.
>>>>
>>>> And I wondered if you needed all the 'is's & 'are's in st 1...
>>>>
>>>> Doug
>>>> On Nov 13, 2013, at 10:53 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> I'll certainly think on that. I agree there's a change but I am not
>> sure
>>>>> what you mean by the shift from one to you; so I am not sure what it is
>>>> I'd
>>>>> be editing out. (I'd be quite capable at that point of writing "looking
>>>>> closer, one sees..." & it's nufffin to do with her maj. you know
>>>>>
>>>>> anyway, i shall look again at it. i found it in my domestics file this
>>>>> morning where it slipped when i wrote it some months ago and has evaded
>>>>> attention
>>>>>
>>>>> best
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>> On 13 November 2013 17:40, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I like it, perhaps because it too seems so formal(ized)?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> But the address seems different in the final stanza, Lawrence, a shift
>>>>>> from 'one' to 'you' implied, but I'm not sure how or why. There's a
>>>> stasis
>>>>>> of the 'is' in the first 2, & I wonder if you can edit a bit of that
>>>> out?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Doug
>>>>>> On Nov 13, 2013, at 5:09 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Facets of this river are boxed away
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> and rarely seen but as humdrum imagery.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> It is decoration that is wanted,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> released as what is seen as cool;
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> and so one stands near the fountain, to stare
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> over a field of pools, in profusion,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> quietly wondering why it has been set here,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> pleased nevertheless for certain calm.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Yet, now look closer and regard them well:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> watch how lines are drawn momentarily
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> by and into water itself, a mode of dance,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> constructing space and edges within it,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> without ever stacking what it collects
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> to distort or divert the visible meaning.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Douglas Barbour
>>>>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>>>>
>>>>>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>>>>>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Latest books:
>>>>>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
>>>>>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
>>>>>> Recording Dates
>>>>>> (Rubicon Press)
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Guy Davenport
>>>>
>>>> Douglas Barbour
>>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>>
>>>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>>>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>>>
>>>> Latest books:
>>>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
>>>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
>>>> Recording Dates
>>>> (Rubicon Press)
>>>>
>>>> Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
>>>>
>>>> Guy Davenport
>>>
>>
>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
Latest books:
Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
Recording Dates
(Rubicon Press)
Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
Guy Davenport
|