OK. Noted with thanks. I'll have a think. Not sure how I could get the word
to the last line as it's a 4 line sentence; but I'll look at that. I'm not
sure that would help, merely delaying the problem. The intention, as I say,
is a turn, and one intended to startle. It's in what will be a book, or
could be; so...
but evidence is not to be dismissed; and your comments are evidence
Thanks
I shall think about this, as the bomb says in Dark Star
L
On 11 September 2013 23:11, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I liked 'the dead heap', L, but tend to side with Pat that the word
> 'books' appearing at the start of the last stanza interrupts balance. And
> yet you do want readers to get it and re-read. Could the word wait until
> the last line?
>
> B
>
> On 12/09/2013, at 2:53 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > There is a problem there, potentially. I have it more clearly with
> > anachronisms. I was writing an Elidius poem some time back and needed an
> > example of something really trivial that got him angry. & he has nothing
> > except his clothes. Zips are out. Buttons, I believe, although I know
> > little about the history of clothing. (I add a note to all the others,
> this
> > one to go to the Victoria and Albert Museum and study) And so on.
> >
> > You *can ignore it. One's been to productions of Shakespeare where
> > characters come on with machine guns and so on. It's a similar problem.
> In
> > this poem, the problem is that the reader may just not get it; but I am
> > hoping that "book" will be understood given the figurative nature of so
> > much that's going on. I can hardly add a footnote -though there is a chap
> > at the wf workshop who was constructing a poem out of footnotes, and
> > footnotes to footnotes. I'm still a 1950s brain and stuck with it.
> >
> > best
> >
> > L
> >
> >
> > On 11 September 2013 17:27, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >
> >> I get books Lawrence, but for many today it would all be read on phones
> or
> >> pads I suspect…
> >>
> >> Wherever seen or read, the same, as you imply…
> >>
> >> Doug
> >> On 2013-09-11, at 9:07 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >>
> >>> I think perhaps your domestic life is quieter than some. As to your
> >>> question, I am nonplussed. What is there in the world that books do
> >>> not relate to; and do note "in violent deception"
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> On 11/09/2013, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >>>> Lawrence this seems to me to be about warzones/reporting not sure
> where
> >>>> books come in? P asking:-)
> >>>>
> >>>> -----Original Message-----
> >>>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> >> On
> >>>> Behalf Of Lawrence Upton
> >>>> Sent: 11 September 2013 09:45
> >>>> To: [log in to unmask]
> >>>> Subject: Domestic snap
> >>>>
> >>>> The utterance of victims,
> >>>> perpetrating audience conflict,
> >>>> all reconstituted;
> >>>> high street take outs, edited
> >>>>
> >>>> by and for news agencies;
> >>>> torn stuck apart together;
> >>>> cosmetically-enhanced patched up;
> >>>> dissected; written; writing.
> >>>>
> >>>> The dead heap, pieces and bits
> >>>> mixing, voices merging,
> >>>> dead among living.
> >>>> Phrases constitute.
> >>>>
> >>>> Books guide through traps, and hurts
> >>>> that all must negotiate
> >>>> in violent deception
> >>>> from birth beyond breath.
> >>
> >> Douglas Barbour
> >> [log in to unmask]
> >>
> >> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
> Continuation 2
> >> (UofAPress).
> >> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> >>
> >> Something else is out there
> >> godamnit
> >>
> >> And I want to hear it
> >>
> >> C.D.Wright
> >
>
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