Not sure what you mean by 'stanza', Chris. I do like the heavy internal rhyme...
Doug
On 2013-04-30, at 12:16 AM, Chris Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> the 3rd stanza needs work; other then that could this work?
> (always the question of what you can get away with)
>
> echoes in capacious rooms he feels
> deals an inverted claustrophobia
> deserted and lost in booms of heavy
> artillery fire which then inspire
> surrenders without any pretenders
> that may turn the weather black
> concerning fictions invented rented out
> with no copyright claims on vented anger
> frizzle hot in drizzle face shape chisel
> not even the rain comes down with frowning
> crowning a clown in pain not even you will
> blame drowning at sea and main frame failure
> let it be for now not a cow or bull
> computation comes later; a lame game
>
> --
> BLOG http://abdevpoetics.blogspot.com.au/
>
Douglas Barbour
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You know, verse
is a lovely thing.
It issues,
like the vapors,
from the rock
Charles Olson
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