It had a nice (what a word) feel about it here in this poem -my tuppence prithee
-----Original Message-----
From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Jill Jones
Sent: 16 August 2012 04:53
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Wednesday snap: A sign - Epilogue
I actually have no problem with the intrusion of an archaism.
And in this instance it seemed to fit, for me. That you found something, if not archaic, but old.
But that's just me ...
J
________________________
Jill Jones www.jilljones.com.au
----- Original Message -----
From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
To:
Cc:
Sent:Thu, 16 Aug 2012 12:34:11 +1000
Subject:Re: Wednesday snap: A sign - Epilogue
Thanks, Doug, Max.
In my 'defence', I could say that I was seeking to create a naive, perhaps even archaic voice. Hence 'nay' in the first sense, Max, of 'no, not'. But I concede that does sound mannered and is an affectation that can be excised. It is not 'highly ironic'.
Doug, what I had done, was to create a sort of omnibus version of the whole 'sign' mini-saga and converted it to prose to enter in a local short story competition run by ragandbonepress. Then I sliced off the last part, titled it Epilogue and refiddled it a bit for for the snap.
As poetry, I can see how your slices improve.
Cheers,
Bill
On 16/08/2012, at 1:20 AM, Douglas Barbour wrote:
> I like the ending, Bill, & the lead-up to it. But feel that you could cut some not-doing-anything words, like the 'that' in l 4, or perhaps the whole 'that it was' or the 'It was' later on; things like that. And 'Nay'? Do you, or does anyone, say or even think that, except as highly ironic comment?
>
> Doug
> On 2012-08-14, at 4:12 PM, Bill Wootton wrote:
>
>> A sign - Epilogue
>>
>> When I walked down to inspect the sign the following morning, >> sun sparkled from its plaque and I could see, >> as I neared, >> that it was a brand new steel pole, >> inserted exactly in the old crater >> and neatly pounded in.
>> Nay, it had been seamlessly, signlessly, installed.
>>
>> It was as though it had never been away.
>>
>> Of my righting branch,
>> there was no sign.
>>
>> But wait...
>> there, at the foot of the pole,
>> a white glint.
>> A bit of the broken branch?
>> No, the white object looked bigger...
>> and smaller.
>>
>> I waited for a car to pass, then crossed the road.
>> On my haunches, I gazed
>> at the intact rictus of a kangaroo skull.
>>
>> Bill Woottton
>> 15 August, 2012
>>
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy) > http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> Wednesdays'
>
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
>
>
> Why can t words mean what they say?
>
> Robert Kroetsch
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
|