Jill,
I like 'a song-dreamed open', even if I don't really get the hyphen.
Oh and thanks for trying to rescue 'nay'.
Cheers,
Bill
On 16/08/2012, at 1:58 PM, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks Roger, Doug and Lawrence,
>
> It was a recasting of something older that I was tinkering with for,
> umm, a little something, so its snappedyness is process focus, not
> instantaneous moment of my day, which was not blue but grey. OK, there
> was abundant shadow - of clouds.
>
> And thanks for the suggestion Lawrence. I think you may be on the
> money, there.
>
> J
>
> ________________________
> Jill Jones wwwjilljones.com.au
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
> To:
> Cc:
> Sent:Wed, 15 Aug 2012 19:35:59 +0100
> Subject:Re: snap - today's rewrite
>
> Jill, pardon me, but I wonder how attached you are to _the_ in the
> seventh
> line
>
> if you cut it, the shortness of the line does wonders for _contains_
>
> L
>
> On Wed, August 15, 2012 15:41, Jill Jones wrote:
>> Blue light surface
>>
>>
>> covers memory
>>
>> of sound with
>>
>> abundant shadow
>>
>>
>>
>> no box nor drum
>>
>> entirely contains
>>
>> the wandering breath
>>
>>
>>
>> a song-dreamed open
>>
>> breathes difficulty
>>
>> blooms form
>>
>
> -----
> Lawrence Upton
>
> http://sho-zyg.com/upton.html
>
> Visiting Fellow, Music Dept,
> Goldsmiths, University of London
> New Cross, London SE14 6NW
> ----
>
>
>
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