Thanks Roger, Doug and Lawrence,
It was a recasting of something older that I was tinkering with for,
umm, a little something, so its snappedyness is process focus, not
instantaneous moment of my day, which was not blue but grey. OK, there
was abundant shadow - of clouds.
And thanks for the suggestion Lawrence. I think you may be on the
money, there.
J
________________________
Jill Jones wwwjilljones.com.au
----- Original Message -----
From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
To:
Cc:
Sent:Wed, 15 Aug 2012 19:35:59 +0100
Subject:Re: snap - today's rewrite
Jill, pardon me, but I wonder how attached you are to _the_ in the
seventh
line
if you cut it, the shortness of the line does wonders for _contains_
L
On Wed, August 15, 2012 15:41, Jill Jones wrote:
> Blue light surface
>
>
> covers memory
>
> of sound with
>
> abundant shadow
>
>
>
> no box nor drum
>
> entirely contains
>
> the wandering breath
>
>
>
> a song-dreamed open
>
> breathes difficulty
>
> blooms form
>
-----
Lawrence Upton
http://sho-zyg.com/upton.html
Visiting Fellow, Music Dept,
Goldsmiths, University of London
New Cross, London SE14 6NW
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