PS cris
I worked out how to tighten that line yesterday :)
On 30 October 2011 14:19, cris cheek <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I enjoyed this piece a lot David . although i would (perhaps) have liked
> more from the hint of promised rhyme that you set beautifully into play at
> the outset and throughout the second stanza . still i understand it could
> have become an unsutainable burden and broken many lines that are simply
> stand alone wonder . i take particular pleasure from "in steep sunk sleep,
> a cud of dreams" "this herd had never heard" and "forwards into
> night-buttoned, carbon," although the syllabics in that latter line could
> be revised to tighten those places where the eight and six counts break and
> that's my biggest question (not problem but a question) about the poem?
>
> a site-responsive poem . i appreciate that
>
> c
>
>
>
> On Oct 29, 2011, at 10:10 AM, David Bircumshaw wrote:
>
> > I don't know whether anyone would like to comment on the following piece
> but
> > it is something I've been pushing about recently following a short stay
> at a
> > Cistercian monastery guest-lodge. I'm not a Roman Catholic myself, so the
> > poem has no doctrinal sensitivities or claims:
> >
> >
> > *Monk's Guest House*
> >
> >
> > Some distant schools of stars in swarm
> >
> > above a spire, and farm,
> >
> > and drowsing cows. All meat and milk
> >
> > in steep sunk sleep, a cud of dreams,
> >
> > untroubled by the muscled tower's
> >
> > electric prod, its bells' peals' starry tongue
> >
> > this herd has never heard
> >
> >
> >
> > since its first day tired. My watch face
> >
> > says three and my slow animal wakes
> >
> > as the bells' claw and clamber breaks
> >
> > the burr and mumble
> >
> > of where am I am. Legs and arms, feet
> >
> > to hands assemble
> >
> >
> > like lines racing a plough. I snub
> >
> > forward into night-buttoned, carbon
> >
> > promising air, head down
> >
> > toward shell spills of crackle, side
> >
> > slips of gravel and a door
> >
> >
> > homed low on a still stone hull
> >
> > where a shy
> >
> > bay chapel waits
> >
> > us and the hushed sparse wash
> >
> >
> > of dark and morning vigil.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > David Joseph Bircumshaw
> > "The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe
> is
> > that none of it has tried to contact us."
> > - Calvin & Hobbes
> > Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> > http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk
> > The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> > Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw
> > twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave
> > blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/
>
--
David Joseph Bircumshaw
"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is
that none of it has tried to contact us."
- Calvin & Hobbes
Website and A Chide's Alphabet
http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk
The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw
twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave
blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/
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