um, this did not format correctly, trying again
i would take you home
if i knew where that was
i would take you home
if you knew where that was
if your feet had roots
if your hair had wings
if we could fly
if we could grip this earth
with something other than
desire
i would take us home
if we knew where that was
it could be right
it could be sweet
it could be the beginning
i would take us home
i would plant us there
comb your feathers
groom your wings
set you free
>
> a backwards leap ...
> & i'm having a hard time letting go of 'with something other than /
desire'
>
>
> On Wed, Dec 28, 2011 at 2:34 PM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
>>
>> I like it too, Sharon
>>
>> & sort of agree with Andrew, but have no idea what the proper 'leap'
would be....
>>
>> I think it might be good to delete the couplet: 'with something other
than / desire' -- as its grammar feels out of place with the rest. & it
seems implied well enough...
>>
>> Doug
>> On 2011-12-27, at 7:07 PM, Andrew Burke wrote:
>>
>> > I like it a lot, Sharon. I do feel the last line is a bit predeictable
from
>> > the penultimate line - I think it should be a surprise, syntactically
or
>> > some wise, maybe 'free as ... ' or another leap (a la Bly's 'Leaping
>> > Poetry') ...
>> >
>> > Andrew
>> >
--
sharon brogan
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~ Sharon
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