Thanks, Kasper. "Luminescene" is probably gone (although I love it). Can't make you interested in it as is, but--as I said, it will be a poem-within-a-largerf-poem where it may become more interesting.
--Bob
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kasper Salonen" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2011 10:21 AM
Subject: Re: A Text with Request for Feedback
> I'd say it's too concise, and needs opening (or "widening" perhaps!). The
> trouble for me is that I don't get the urge to open it myself, there isn't
> enough here to intrigue me. Not to mention that I hate the word
> "luminescence".
>
> KS
>
> On 6 September 2011 21:58, Bob Grumman <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> the luminescence of the ice skates
>> lying where poetry in English
>> made its first major ascent
>>
>> I'd greatly appreciate feedback as to whether or not
>>
>> 1. it works as a poem?
>>
>> 2. what it means as a critical statement about the history of poetry in
>> English is clear?
>>
>> 3. its meaning as a critical statement (if clear) makes sense?
>>
>> It is intended to be both poem, albeit a (very minor) poem-within-a-
>> larger-poem, and a critical statement.
>>
>> --Bob
>
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