And actually it's just the fact that you include a description of a place or
time that I (and I would assume many other readers) have no referent for
whatsoever. Where *did* poetry in English make its first major acsent? And
what is that supposed to mean? These are mainly hypothetical questions
because, as mentioned, so far I'm not interested -- because it's a somewhat
ugly three lines rhythmically and visually.
KS
On 7 September 2011 18:31, Bob Grumman <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks, Kasper. "Luminescene" is probably gone (although I love it).
> Can't make you interested in it as is, but--as I said, it will be a
> poem-within-a-largerf-poem where it may become more interesting.
>
> --Bob
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Kasper Salonen" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2011 10:21 AM
> Subject: Re: A Text with Request for Feedback
>
>
> > I'd say it's too concise, and needs opening (or "widening" perhaps!). The
> > trouble for me is that I don't get the urge to open it myself, there
> isn't
> > enough here to intrigue me. Not to mention that I hate the word
> > "luminescence".
> >
> > KS
> >
> > On 6 September 2011 21:58, Bob Grumman <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> >> the luminescence of the ice skates
> >> lying where poetry in English
> >> made its first major ascent
> >>
> >> I'd greatly appreciate feedback as to whether or not
> >>
> >> 1. it works as a poem?
> >>
> >> 2. what it means as a critical statement about the history of poetry in
> >> English is clear?
> >>
> >> 3. its meaning as a critical statement (if clear) makes sense?
> >>
> >> It is intended to be both poem, albeit a (very minor) poem-within-a-
> >> larger-poem, and a critical statement.
> >>
> >> --Bob
> >
>
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