The ice skates told Dave Bircumshaw where I think the ascent (now replaced
with "widening") was made. I did want to make a reader try to guess. I
could have said, "the luminescence of the skates Wordsworth wore when
enjoying the skating he wrote about in The Prelude,: but I don't like that
kind of directness, usually. The visual and rhythmical "ugliness" of the
text is a subjective matter, of course. If you mean the imagery expressed
is ugly (I somehow don't think you mean the text looks bad on the page),
that might be due to your not connecting to the allusion. I think in the
large poem this will be a part of, the allusion will be more clear. Not
that people without a background in the history of English poetry will pick
up on it.
--Bob
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kasper Salonen" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2011 11:57 AM
Subject: Re: A Text with Request for Feedback
> And actually it's just the fact that you include a description of a place
> or
> time that I (and I would assume many other readers) have no referent for
> whatsoever. Where *did* poetry in English make its first major acsent? And
> what is that supposed to mean? These are mainly hypothetical questions
> because, as mentioned, so far I'm not interested -- because it's a
> somewhat
> ugly three lines rhythmically and visually.
>
> KS
>
> On 7 September 2011 18:31, Bob Grumman <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Thanks, Kasper. "Luminescene" is probably gone (although I love it).
>> Can't make you interested in it as is, but--as I said, it will be a
>> poem-within-a-largerf-poem where it may become more interesting.
>>
>> --Bob
>>
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Kasper Salonen" <[log in to unmask]>
>> To: <[log in to unmask]>
>> Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2011 10:21 AM
>> Subject: Re: A Text with Request for Feedback
>>
>>
>> > I'd say it's too concise, and needs opening (or "widening" perhaps!).
>> > The
>> > trouble for me is that I don't get the urge to open it myself, there
>> isn't
>> > enough here to intrigue me. Not to mention that I hate the word
>> > "luminescence".
>> >
>> > KS
>> >
>> > On 6 September 2011 21:58, Bob Grumman <[log in to unmask]>
>> > wrote:
>> >
>> >> the luminescence of the ice skates
>> >> lying where poetry in English
>> >> made its first major ascent
>> >>
>> >> I'd greatly appreciate feedback as to whether or not
>> >>
>> >> 1. it works as a poem?
>> >>
>> >> 2. what it means as a critical statement about the history of poetry
>> >> in
>> >> English is clear?
>> >>
>> >> 3. its meaning as a critical statement (if clear) makes sense?
>> >>
>> >> It is intended to be both poem, albeit a (very minor) poem-within-a-
>> >> larger-poem, and a critical statement.
>> >>
>> >> --Bob
>> >
>>
>
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