Hi Doug
> I get that, to a degree, which is why i postulated the possibility as no
> more than that. It's my agenda against 'is' I guess. In this poem, you
> are keeping the lines fairly even, & I can see why. That question of the
> pause at the end of the line, for me it's always quite, well, heard
> anyway.
It won't be heard if it isn't uttered though one may feel it
> Looking at it, I would leave in the 'that' but drop the 'is,' & have a
> slight pause on or after it.
> That may make no sense to you, of course, & I respect that.
No, it doesn't. That what?
I have no problem with is, as such. Sibilance in general is a problem.
> The moves & tone of the whole ask for a kind fo restraint I guess which
> cutting things up too much would interrupt...
I feel that.
And, as I said, I need _is_ to be able to stress it.
Cheers
L
>
> Doug
> On 2011-08-17, at 9:30 AM, Lawrence Upton wrote:
>
>
>> Dear Doug
>>
>>
>>> I especially like this, Lawrence.
>>>
>>
>> Thank you. That pleases me. Not least because I believe you only say it
>> er when it is true!
>>
>>> I take it the line demanded the 'that is' which to me feels
>>> superfluous...?
>>
>> Well, there's what an acquaintance calls the line's dum-te-dum, if
>> that's how he would spell it; and taking it out would spoil its
>> dum-te-dumness; but there are rewriting strategies, opportunities to say
>> more or other things when there is good cause -- rather than hotmail
>> asking you to rewrite because their version of Artificial Unintelligence
>> doesn't like what you have written - BUT
>>
>> (a) I don't like that pile up of _a dry informal abstraction
>> supplemented by much larger stretches_, I want the pause and its breath
>> as the mind's eye takes that in, a move from something real being seen
>> as, as it were, unreal to some extent and also seen as extended by or
>> supported by more of the real
>>
>> it's abstracted FROM the ocean which makes it, though seen (_I_ see it)
>> as different to the abstraction of sea bed produced by very low water...
>>
>>
>> I could continue that, closing in on it; I'l stop there
>>
>>
>> (b) it enables me to make a conundrum in the reading by stress: an
>> abstraction that IS
>>
>> I tend, ever so slightly to pause on a line end, hardly at all, which
>> makes that possible
>>
>> there is no way of punctuating this correctly for all readings so I use
>> the line end; and the read version as primacy for me anyway
>>
>> L
>>
>>
>>>
>>> Doug
>>> On 2011-08-17, at 5:32 AM, Lawrence Upton wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>> They stride over the sands, blemishing their view.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>> Douglas Barbour
>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>
>>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Latest books:
>>> Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
>>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
>>> Wednesdays'
>>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-pres
>>> s_10 .html
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> It is natural to speak of your own weaknesses so winsomely they will
>>> seem strengths, as if everyone else is inadequate if they do not have
>>> your inadequacies.
>>>
>>> William H. Gass
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>> -----
>> UNFRAMED GRAPHICS by Lawrence Upton
>> 42 pages; A5 paperback; colour cover
>> Writers Forum 978 1 84254 277 4
>> wfuk.org.uk/blog ----
>> Lawrence Upton
>> Dept of Music
>> Goldsmiths, University of London
>>
>>
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
> Wednesdays'
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10
> .html
>
>
> It is natural to speak of your own weaknesses so winsomely they will seem
> strengths, as if everyone else is inadequate if they do not have your
> inadequacies.
>
> William H. Gass
>
>
-----
UNFRAMED GRAPHICS by Lawrence Upton
42 pages; A5 paperback; colour cover
Writers Forum 978 1 84254 277 4
wfuk.org.uk/blog
----
Lawrence Upton
Dept of Music
Goldsmiths, University of London
|