this is interesting, Lawrence, but I found the use of 'one' a bit intrusive (especially after the 'you' already there); here for example.
but then, I'd try to keep that 'self' out of it except by implication, & that's not necessarily what youre after. so maybe it's just the shift from 'you' to 'one' & this couplet, that seems to bring too much abstraction to what had been so perceptual...?
which is really what catches my attention in the poem....
Doug
On 2011-08-24, at 5:20 AM, Lawrence Upton wrote:
> that which one think inanimate
> exerts itself against one
Douglas Barbour
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