As part of my Counselling and Therapeutic Studies degree I am currently observing a 5 year old boy whose parents are going through a separation. Before this time the boy was a confident, happy and lively child, but during the lead up to and eventual separation of his parents his behaviour has changed. His behaviour has now been subdued, clingy and anxious when with his mother, taking to sleeping in with her at night as he did when he was a toddler. However, school is where he seems to be expressing most distress and anxiety particularly when leaving his teachers, although his behaviour at home can seem ambivalent at times.
Although his behaviour is obviously linked to the tension and subsequent separation of his parents, I feel that the behaviour of his father could be exacerbating his anxiety. The behaviour exhibited by the father has been one of both physical and emotional withdrawal from the child and mother for many months leading up to the break, with occasional bouts of verbal aggression towards the mother and largely dismissive of the child’s need for attention. Although he is closer to his mother, the child misses his father and looks to him for reassurance/approval, but he appears more anxious when his father is around at the moment, not from fear of danger, anger or punishment, but because the father does not usually hang around long (usually, picking something up) and sometimes without even acknowledging the child. On interaction with the child, the child expressed a concern that he was responsible for the father leaving because he thought he had been naughty.
Although there is plenty of theory surrounding maternal deprivation and effects of divorce on the child, I've struggled to find much contemporary theory on the fathers role on the child during the period parental separation. I am hoping that someone can share their knowledge in this area and help me with my observations, what to look for in understanding the effect the fathers behaviour has on child’s state of mind, what advice to offer the mother (whose own anxiousness obviously plays a part), also any guidance you have as to why he appears to be displaying most distress at school rather than at home and what current literature you would recommend in reading in this area particularly concerning the paternal deprivation.
Many thanks
Raphael
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