Bob, it has vigour and great imaginative leaps and bounds. Only things that
jarred for my Aussie ears was 'of' after 'off', and the word 'dangerously' -
Poem needs a more seductive word there I'd say to go with the 'sidling'.
Just my reactions - others will have a different spin on it no doubt.
Andrew
On 7 March 2011 05:15, Bob Grumman <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I haven't taken much advantage of Poetryetc since joining quite a while
> ago, so have decided to try my latest Poem poem on you. Should it be in the
> Snap thread? I've never been quite sure what that was.
>
> . *The Tide
> *
>
> . A long stare smelled its way
> . past the lantern's purpled lisp
> . against kerosene mares radiant in
> . the prenatal barn storm
> . that Poem
> . was tearing the petals off of.
> . Behind him, the Hawaiian sidewalk
> . sidled dangerously into a canasta game,
> . like misspelled lemonade
> . remembering where the jewels were.
>
> . The tide was later than usual.
> .
> I make these when I can't think of anything else to put in one of my daily
> blog entries. It's almost automatic writing, so it's nothing harsh comments
> about will bother me. Not that any harsh comments bother me.
>
> --Bob
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
'Mother Waits for Father Late' republished available at
http://www.picaropress.com/
http://www.qlrs.com/poem.asp?id=766
http://frankshome.org/AndrewBurke.html
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