Thanks for posting all 26 lines and revealing the original formal structure. I like "I'm for the jabber" and, particularly if it's preceded by the line including jabber, "jumping corridors and fancies". The 26th line works well for me by itself and as an ending.
How much reader interaction did you expect in determining syntactical relationships beyond the line?
Barry
On Thu, 3 Feb 2011 07:08:45 +0800, [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>And this is the full 26 line version of last week's snap, that Barry asked me to
>post.
>
>Looking at it again I am now thinking of reworking its structure, moving away
>from the 26 lines. But this is what was posted line by line on facebook. A late
>'like' came in for the 23rd line, so last week's snap could have ended on that.
>
>
>Gush
>
>ambits of cells account beyond basin valley
>barefoot sad one breaks words from harms
>crush gold cordial
>dew salt held in walls
>end paper crawl to begin sung flower
>flighted passage night feather
>ground make warm grasp shadow
>hands translate in order to say
>I’m for the jabber
>jumping corridors and fancies
>local by story line of air
>meander nuances my narrow emergency
>noises which stop night nowhere burning
>odd habits of hair
>patinate old roads with coming
>question crosses time reference: escarpment
>remainders gutter our star close luminous
>song scaring night transports lost tattooed
>tears playing stone bathed to gush forth
>violet interior marks attempt at continue
>what on the other hand sky this damage
>xerotic and crying for milk
>your misty throat
>zampillare, yes, yes, to gush forth
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