what we will not read or look at defines us. it is the other side of the
coin of who we define ourselves as being, pretending not to see the other
side. let us not forget the other side of ourself. what we mock fascinates
us in some sense. we elevate our illusory self-image we have but imagined
yet we have named the thing and therefore have given it credit. hate and
love are linked. the best we could possibly do is to ignore things and be
unable to name them for we do not even know they exist. we are more
fascinated by what we hate than what we love. if you disagree with me, i
disagree with myself as well. i truly hate mary oliver for being my clearest
definition of what i call an "invented epiphany poet"--or think bernstein's
"the artifice of attention"--see, i could write about this for hours. i wish
i could just forget her but i know the world is divided into mary oliver
poetry lovers and perhaps a minority of those like me who feel like puking
at her every word. i am not a poet. i want the truth. tell them, mary, tell
them how you treated my friend who merely wanted to use one of your
cloyingly so-sensitive lyrics for what i think is pretty dense i
simultaneously beg forgiveness for my judgmentalness for it is and i truly
am impatient but now must accept myself as such but my friend only wanted 4
words oliver had written in the opening of her book--my friend never felt
like puking and ceased to be my friend. not because of that.
but...but...once a whole classroom walked out on me for my saying i hated
mary oliver. this was in santa fe and she is a religious icon there.
fortunately john yau was the teacher in this seminar. he said "me too" when
i said it and so everyone left, vehemently angry, defending the holy mary
oliver and her beautiful words about trees and beings and we were left alone
to joke a bit and i learned he and ashbery consult on everything together
and are on the phone all day and i know a friend is worth more than anything
and i told him i learned about the horrible aggression of poets while still
an art critic. i went to ashbery's seminar but i saw him only as a great art
critic and i went for that. i knew nothing about poets. i was shocked by the
sudden darkness surrounding them. something very ugly. possibly intrusive.
possibly abusive. the poets were terrifying. one (whose name meant nothing
to me then--i'm glad i never wrote it down--i have too much nausea in my
life to deal with)--divorced his wife because she became too famous as a
poet and he is now happy with a wife who will never "make it"--i won't even
talk about how dense the poets were in ashbery's seminar. i'll only say
desperation over something non-existent ie; fame is a ridiculous waste. but
i don't condemn. not at all. i was prey to all of it. i only wish to save
others but maybe they will fare better. it is hard to untangle to event. so
much deception over so many years. i am no longer sane. but i shall shut up.
life turns serious for all of us soon enough. i see it in the halls. these
families have no home. i can't help them myself. we have lost as well.
everyone is in hell. i just say it is stupid and maybe spend your days
really living life and not inside this stupid ambition of something
non-existent. one of the saddest days for me was when i was still working to
be a master printer--i loved etching with a passion--i loved it more than
poetry due to the inherent accidents--i became deathly sick from it--it was
inevitable for me to get cancer just as with bob holman's wife i forget her
name but their daughter's name is daisy--it's all just a temporary dream.
what we long not to watch shall be shown to us--i promise you. no use
hiding.


On Thu, Jun 3, 2010 at 9:31 AM, Halvard Johnson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> Seems promising: lists of books we promise (or have promised) never
> to read; films we'll never watch; paintings we'll never look at; places
> we'll never go (not places we'll never be able to get to, or books we'll
> probably never get around to reading; etc.).
>
> You first. Well, someone.
>
> Hal
>
> Halvard Johnson
> ================
>
> The Perfection of Mozart's Third Eye (downloadable and free) is @
>
> http://www.scribd.com/doc/27039868/Halvard-Johnson-THE-PERFECTION-OF-MOZART-S-THIRD-EYE-Other-Sonnets
>
> [log in to unmask]
> http://sites.google.com/site/halvardjohnson/Home
> http://entropyandme.blogspot.com
> http://imageswithoutwords.blogspot.com
> http://www.hamiltonstone.org
>
>
>
>
>
> On Thu, Jun 3, 2010 at 10:15 AM, Douglas Barbour
> <[log in to unmask]>wrote:
>
> > Or are you thinking of Pride and Prejudice and the Zombies: a book I have
> > promised never to read (I confess I havent kept up, so maybe it's as you
> > write)?
> >
> > Doug
> > On 2-Jun-10, at 9:04 PM, Catherine Daly wrote:
> >
> >  Jane
> >> Eyre and Zombies,
> >>
> >
> > Douglas Barbour
> > [log in to unmask]
> >
> > http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> >
> > Latest books:
> > Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> > http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
> > Wednesdays'
> >
> >
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
> >
> > because I want to die
> >
> > writing Haiku
> >
> > or, better,
> >
> > long lines, clean and syllabic as knotted bamboo. Yes!
> >
> >         Phyllis Webb
> >
>