Characteristics of 'Codependent Professionals'
The characteristics of 'codependent professionals' vary for each individual and the codependent relationship they are caught up in but certain characteristics seem to occur more frequently than others. The defining characteristic of codependency is the need to be defined by a relationship with another person (their client(s). The feeling that in order to be worthwhile you must be needed by another person is extremely dangerous when the other person is involved in drugs or alcohol. Addicts and alcoholics tend to be a cyclone of destruction with problems and drama surrounding them at all times. Codependent people will feed off of their constant dependence on others and a strong dysfunctional relationship is formed.
The addict or alcoholic will have growing problems involving the family, work, health difficulties and financial issues. The characteristics of codependency are such that a 'co-dependent professional(s)' will continue to come to the "rescue" of the alcoholic or 'addict' in order to save them. This professional relationship is (self) destructive in that goes beyond 'care' giving into enabling 'clients' to continue on their (self) destructive path.
Behaviour patterns (self-destructive) usually center on controlling behaviors and agreement behaviors.
Codependent Professional(s) will attempt to control their 'client' by believing that they are responsible for their sick loved one and believe that they are unable to take care of themselves. Inclusive/Independent living is discouraged and the 'co-dependent professional(s) do not want to 'empower' their clients to enable them to grow into 'inter-dependent' clients.
Feelings of worthiness only come when 'helping' the 'client' out of yet another 'crisis' and 'co-dependent professional' are unable to let the their 'clients' deal with the consequences head on with the appropriate inclusive 'interdependency' support and aids, equipment and assistive technology/software.
'Codependent Professionals' do not want to empower their 'clients', because their is a 'professional co-dependency' relationship at 'financial levels' too, which is rife within 'human resources' workforce within health and social care.
A form of financial codependency seems to be prevalent within professional human resouce workforces which the UK taxpayer in the enabler and those who were involved in the self-destructive 'professional codependency behaviors are given a chance to do it again.
Maybe we need a twelve step program for those 'codependent professionals'.
Agreement behavior patterns are often described as people-pleasing behaviors in which being overly sensitive to another's feelings violates your own sense of right and wrong.
If you compromise yourself and find yourself as a 'professional' trying to control others or avoiding rejection at any cost you are probably in a codependent self-destructive relationship with your 'client'.
Colin Revell
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Subject: RE: Sam Medlam (PA) and Mervin Goring (Advocate)
Date: Sat, 28 Nov 2009 13:24:06 +0000
I also forgot to mention that Mr Goring has continually failed arranged to convene the mediation/conciliation meeting under DDA/HRA with the EHRC, with all the public bodies, government departments and other service providers which was instructed 'by-me' very early within my all complaints and court proceedings with DJ Besford and HHJ Grenfell, at Hull Combined Courts, but in the 3 years that Mr Goring has been working 'with-me' within my case this still has not happened. Why?
I have asked continually for an engagement of an 'independent' mediator/conciliator, under DDA/HRA, to work alongside Mr Goring and/or another local advocate, but all the 'service-providers' involved have not taken up and/or refused this offer which is unlawful and indicates inappropriate non-cooperative behaviour to want to resolve anything within my case and to not cause me stress, trauma and make me unwell as a NeuroDiverse/Autistic disabled person.
Why?
Where' the 'risk-assessments' here, especially on my 'mental health'/ They all know that as an Autistic/NeuroDiverse disabled person I have 'low-tolerance' to stress and this stress can trigger 'sensory-overload' (meltdown) as happened again yesterday. This is continually done intentionally and is 'cruel and inhumane' and 'disability discrimination and 'Disabilism' (Disability Hate Crimes) and his done to try and provoke, intimidate, victimise, harass and bully me into a 'reaction', which then effects and triggers my 'autism/neurodiversity' and causes 'meltdowns' (sensory overload) and effects my mental health, sleep patterns and to deliberately make me more stressed, traumatised and unwell. Its done then they can try and 'criminalise' my 'impairments/behaviours'.... How cruel and inhumane is this?
Why?
Colin Revell
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Subject: RE: Sam Medlam (PA) and Mervin Goring (Advocate)
Date: Sat, 28 Nov 2009 11:31:41 +0000
I feel badly let down by Mr Goring who has failed to discharge is duty of care as an 'independent advocate' in protecting my needs and also following on all the work taken on by Dr Aylott, Jo Todd, Christine Breakey and Mellissa Moore, especially all the legal cases with HHJ Grenfell in Hull Combined Courts. HHJ Grenfell and DJ Besford gave clear instructions to Mr Goring to take all my cases into the High Court but he's failed to find me any legal advocacy and him himself take these matters into the High Courts as instructed by above named judges.
Mr Goring, with Connie Young and other social workers have failed to protect my best interests.
HHJ Grenfell informed Mr Goring to keep him updated in my case on a regular basis, but Mr Goring has not done this.
Mr Goring has failed to arrange any meetings with Graham Stuart (MP), Councillor Parnaby (Leader of ERYC)and my own County Councillors, Local Government Ombudsman, Standards of England (Councillors), IPCC, Humberside Police Professional Standards and Chief Constable Tim Hollis, Health Services and Parliamentary Ombudsman, General Social Care Council, Information Commissioners Office, Department of Health (Jo Rees), Cre Quality Commission, Home Office, Her Majesty's Court Service, National Compact, Hull Links, East Riding Links and others to assist and support me with all my complaints and all correspondence and communications. They all blame Mervin... So who is telling the truth here?
As I said none of my complaints are then taken through due process because Mervin Goring can't engage with them on my behalf. What does this clearly say?
Colin Revell
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Subject: RE: Sam Medlam (PA) and Mervin Goring (Advocate)
Date: Sat, 28 Nov 2009 11:10:55 +0000
Returning from the David Hinsburger talk, through Inclusion North, in Bradford this week has empowered me to reflect on all aspects of my 'support-needs' and this is the trigger to some of the decisions that I need to make within my 'support networks' to bring to an end of 'co-dependency' professional relationships which are unproductive, damaging, self-destructive and not enabling my inclusive living needs to be met.
I have made the right decision to bring to an end these 'co-dependent' professional relationships immediately.
Colin Revell
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Subject: Sam Medlam (PA) and Mervin Goring (Advocate)
Date: Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:40:22 +0000
Sam needs to talk with Connie and/or Yvonne on Monday urgently. I have just got off the phone with Sam.
I have explained all my reasons to Sam and now she needs space to discuss them with you.
Sam states she does want all her complaints processed from yesterday that she discussed with Yvonne Rhodes.
I don't need the stress anymore that goes with management of PA's and advocates without all the appropriate support in place and risk assessments carried out. It's making me too unwell and I have had enough of it all.
Where are all the letters on my behalf from Mr Goring to you all? I need to see how many letters he has written to you in the 3 years he's been my advocate employed by you.
I need to see all data from Mr Goring as proof that he's not telling lies and he has been trying to arrange meetings with you all to discuss all my complaints and other outstanding ongoing concerns within in my care that has not been dealt with in line with Professor Howlin's and others recommendations I informed you all about yesterday, which all this daily continued stress and trauma is(has) made me unwell.
Who is telling the truth Mr Goring and/or the public bodies? Who do I trust?
How can I have an effective advocate who lives in Nottingham and i am in Beverley who Sam and I have to chase each day and there is great problems with communication and correspondence and I feel nothing ever gets done. I feel I spend all my time chasing my advocate because he can't structure communication/correspondence that meets my assessed needs and he can't correspond with all the public bodies 'with-me' that meets my assessed needs. None of my complaints are ever processed by any of the public bodies even with Mr Goring in place so what does that say? Who is to blame here? It's me who has to take on all the stress and abuse all the time when I feel badly let down by all professionals within my care who are continually failing me then when I try and 'self-advocate' want to punish me. I have had enough!!!
I feel I don't get listened too and feel 'invisible' as a NeuroDiverse/Autistic disabled person... What does that say about my basic equality and human rights? What does this behaviour say about 'Disabilism'?
Yesterday, was the final straw that broke the camels back and I can't cope with these high stress levels anymore.
Colin Revell
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