A thoroly good'un, Max, beautifully developed.
Power built fast with "It was my dream,/ and soon enough/ she pointed this
out."
Your dreamy-amorphous early bits stop sharp with: "our bed was still
king-sized." From that point to the end, the man came to realise his
bedmate as his 'partner'---one who also had secret dreams and longings.
Well prepared by many other memorable strong lines, the ending works magic:
"held / quietly as if unconscious / in her own private dreaming."
Best,
Judy
2009/7/1 Max Richards <[log in to unmask]>
> Winter Dream
>
> I dreamed I was young again
> or youngish
> and a lovely girl loved me.
>
> It was all perfectly
> lovey-dovey –
> intimacy occurred
>
> and kept occurring
> in private and to my
> surprise in public.
>
> Nobody much noticed,
> except us;
> it was unaccustomed
>
> unselfconsciousness
> we felt and
> contentedly discussed.
>
> It was my dream,
> and soon enough
> she pointed this out.
>
> This stirred me from my sleep
> back to dark winter:
> our bed was still king-sized,
>
> the hot-water-bottle between us
> was lukewarm, the aches and pains
> of my old age resumed;
>
> she was here, no dream,
> nor indeed yet old, held
> quietly as if unconscious
>
> in her own private dreaming.
>
>
> Wednesday 1 July
> Max Richards
> in midwinter Melbourne
>
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
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>
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