Thanks, Judy, and other responders.
As for the phrase lovey-dovey, far from deleting it, I have in mind repeating
it...towards the end:
in her own private -
lovey-dovey? -
dreaming.
Max
Quoting Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>:
> A thoroly good'un, Max, beautifully developed.
> Power built fast with "It was my dream,/ and soon enough/ she pointed this
> out."
>
> Your dreamy-amorphous early bits stop sharp with: "our bed was still
> king-sized." From that point to the end, the man came to realise his
> bedmate as his 'partner'---one who also had secret dreams and longings.
> Well prepared by many other memorable strong lines, the ending works magic:
>
>
> "held / quietly as if unconscious / in her own private dreaming."
>
> Best,
>
> Judy
>
> 2009/7/1 Max Richards <[log in to unmask]>
>
> > Winter Dream
> >
> > I dreamed I was young again
> > or youngish
> > and a lovely girl loved me.
> >
> > It was all perfectly
> > lovey-dovey –
> > intimacy occurred
> >
> > and kept occurring
> > in private and to my
> > surprise in public.
> >
> > Nobody much noticed,
> > except us;
> > it was unaccustomed
> >
> > unselfconsciousness
> > we felt and
> > contentedly discussed.
> >
> > It was my dream,
> > and soon enough
> > she pointed this out.
> >
> > This stirred me from my sleep
> > back to dark winter:
> > our bed was still king-sized,
> >
> > the hot-water-bottle between us
> > was lukewarm, the aches and pains
> > of my old age resumed;
> >
> > she was here, no dream,
> > nor indeed yet old, held
> > quietly as if unconscious
> >
> > in her own private dreaming.
> >
> >
> > Wednesday 1 July
> > Max Richards
> > in midwinter Melbourne
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ------------------------------------------------------------
> > This email was sent from Netspace Webmail: http://www.netspace.net.au
> >
>
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