>>I really liked that line about the dream of the lampshadeThis really
happened.
Yea, they are songs. 4 different tunes .verse.chorus. etc..
It helps.
Appreciate it.
This reminds me of that class I mentioned that turned me off to poetry as a
community. The teacher would have the students print out the poems read them
and then it was a free for all critique session for something like 15
minutes, no encouraging comments allowed. This was odd to me; but,
interesting. I've always been interesting in human behavior. Anyways, I
never opened my mouth for that 15 minutes for anyones poems; but, I did
notice the same cats that did every chance they got. I think this was their
favorite part of the class. Anyways these two chicks would whisper to me I
like your stuff better (I personally don't believe in better than theirs)
than theirs, never out loud just enough for me to hear. I thought it was
funny too how the teacher would use his work as good examples of writing and
all the hyenas ever did was mimic is not so good in my opinion shots.
first, second, third and fourth are actually
Conspiracy, Loneliness, Into the Valley, and Rain.
It's kinda ironic the songs share a common theme and the feedback so far is
totally within that scope. It's poetic.
The chord progressions and tempos are entirely different than the redundant
message. I guess I just experience the same sh*t a lot.
Have fun at the Poetry Slam(another story for another time)!
On Wed, Jun 24, 2009 at 9:04 PM, Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Angel, *if* you want to work further on this piece, here are some comments
> and suggestions.
>
> I really liked that line about the dream of the lampshade -- I found that
> quite a striking image. The rest of the piece seems rather colourless by
> comparison.
>
> Yes it does sound like a song, and the feelings it expresses are something
> that I and probably a lot of others can relate to.
>
> But to work as a song, or as a poem for that matter, I think it needs to be
> a lot shorter. It repeats the same ideas rather too much for my taste. The
> 'first, second, third, fourth' structure does get my attention, but the
> content within those sections would have to be made much more focussed and
> concentrated.
>
> Hope this helps
>
> Janet
>
> 2009/6/25 Angel Marquez <[log in to unmask]>
>
> > I'm sorry I don't meet your high standard.
> >
> >
> > Compared to what, your implied insults (which carries more weight than
> what
> > I googled form you KS)?
> >
> >
> > Good thing I am not trying to gain approval or acceptance from anyone.
> >
> > On Wed, Jun 24, 2009 at 4:21 PM, kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > are these supposed to sound like trite pop lyrics?
> > >
> > > KS
> > >
> > > 2009/6/24 Angel Marquez <[log in to unmask]>
> > >
> > > > *first**
> > > >
> > > > Once I have your attention
> > > >
> > > > That's when
> > > >
> > > > I'll send my message
> > > >
> > > > Aint gonna
> > > >
> > > > Waste no more
> > > >
> > > > Time on
> > > >
> > > > Paranoia
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Simple as it may seem
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Getting lost
> > > >
> > > > On the right track
> > > >
> > > > Headed in
> > > >
> > > > The right direction
> > > >
> > > > This train is only gonna make
> > > >
> > > > One stop
> > > >
> > > > Destination
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Pointless as it may be
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Left alone for to long maybe
> > > >
> > > > Trying to find
> > > >
> > > > Some way out
> > > >
> > > > It's the same
> > > >
> > > > Conspiracy
> > > >
> > > > Wherever
> > > >
> > > > I find myself
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > No use in still wanting
> > > >
> > > > Something you so easily lost
> > > >
> > > > Why do
> > > >
> > > > The loveliest ladies
> > > >
> > > > Remind me of the wickedest game
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > You know better you know it's true
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I like my sunsets like my lovers
> > > >
> > > > Simple and beautiful
> > > >
> > > > You can call on me anytime
> > > >
> > > > I forgive I forget
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > This lesson I've learned the best
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Left alone for to long maybe
> > > >
> > > > Trying to find
> > > >
> > > > Some way out
> > > >
> > > > It's the same
> > > >
> > > > Conspiracy
> > > >
> > > > Wherever
> > > >
> > > > I find myself
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Now that they're on to me
> > > >
> > > > It's time to rearrange the plan
> > > >
> > > > Set your sites on something sane
> > > >
> > > > Focus on the bigger plan
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Turn the lights out and just hold on
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Coming around the bend
> > > >
> > > > Letting the wind
> > > >
> > > > Carry me in
> > > >
> > > > This life is easy
> > > >
> > > > If you play it right
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Left alone for to long maybe
> > > >
> > > > Trying to find
> > > >
> > > > Some way out
> > > >
> > > > It's the same
> > > >
> > > > Conspiracy
> > > >
> > > > However
> > > >
> > > > I define myself
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > second
> > > >
> > > > I could cure your loneliness
> > > >
> > > > Alright
> > > >
> > > > Reach across this sky
> > > >
> > > > On through the night
> > > >
> > > > Take away that troubled look
> > > >
> > > > In your eyes
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I'll be gone without a trace
> > > >
> > > > Before to long
> > > >
> > > > You'll replace
> > > >
> > > > All those memories of you and I
> > > >
> > > > With something sweet
> > > >
> > > > Like a lullaby
> > > >
> > > > To Satisfy
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I could cure your loneliness alright
> > > >
> > > > Weave myself into the fabric of your mind
> > > >
> > > > Anchor myself to your sweetest memory
> > > >
> > > > Find that break
> > > >
> > > > And offer you relief
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I'll be gone without a trace
> > > >
> > > > Before to long
> > > >
> > > > You'll replace
> > > >
> > > > All those memories of you and I
> > > >
> > > > With something sweet
> > > >
> > > > Like a lullaby
> > > >
> > > > To Pass the time
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > When things are right
> > > >
> > > > You don't think twice
> > > >
> > > > We just enjoy this moment
> > > >
> > > > For however long it may last
> > > >
> > > > Fer sure it will always pass
> > > >
> > > > That's how you know
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > It's for real
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I could solve your most complex miseries
> > > >
> > > > Remove the confusion with crystal clarity
> > > >
> > > > All you have to do is follow me
> > > >
> > > > Then, we both, shall see
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I'll be gone without a trace
> > > >
> > > > Before to long
> > > >
> > > > You'll replace
> > > >
> > > > All those memories of you and I
> > > >
> > > > With something sweet
> > > >
> > > > Like a lullaby
> > > >
> > > > To Pacify
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > When things are right
> > > >
> > > > You don't think twice
> > > >
> > > > We just enjoy this moment
> > > >
> > > > For however long it may last
> > > >
> > > > Fer sure it will always pass
> > > >
> > > > That's how you know
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > It's for real
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > third
> > > >
> > > > I can sense
> > > >
> > > > Your importance
> > > >
> > > > I get this feeling
> > > >
> > > > It might be dangerous
> > > >
> > > > If I follow you in any way
> > > >
> > > > It has something to do
> > > >
> > > > With your attraction
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Kind of like
> > > >
> > > > Promising you a fortune
> > > >
> > > > Over those hills
> > > >
> > > > Up ahead
> > > >
> > > > Kind of like
> > > >
> > > > Counting on
> > > >
> > > > Your misfortune
> > > >
> > > > To make you
> > > >
> > > > Believe in me
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Go on
> > > >
> > > > And pretend
> > > >
> > > > Not to notice
> > > >
> > > > Even knowing
> > > >
> > > > It'll hurt you
> > > >
> > > > In the end
> > > >
> > > > I need it now
> > > >
> > > > This gratification
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Kind of like
> > > >
> > > > Following an angel
> > > >
> > > > That you may never meet
> > > >
> > > > Kind of like
> > > >
> > > > Channeling a stranger
> > > >
> > > > On these busy streets
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I can't
> > > >
> > > > Tell you why
> > > >
> > > > It's been that way
> > > >
> > > > For O' so long
> > > >
> > > > Nnnn I can't change overnight
> > > >
> > > > But, I'll try for you my darling
> > > >
> > > > I can sort this out
> > > >
> > > > If you'll be patient with me
> > > >
> > > > While I wield
> > > >
> > > > my
> > > >
> > > > own
> > > >
> > > > end
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I am conscious
> > > >
> > > > Of this shared dream
> > > >
> > > > And the light
> > > >
> > > > And it's connection
> > > >
> > > > To me
> > > >
> > > > "Should I love you?"
> > > >
> > > > Is what was written on the outside
> > > >
> > > > Of a lampshade hanging from a ceiling in a dream
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Kind of like
> > > >
> > > > The dark politics
> > > >
> > > > That govern the upper echelons
> > > >
> > > > That allow me
> > > >
> > > > Kind of like
> > > >
> > > > A band of angels
> > > >
> > > > Sent to protect hesitant to follow
> > > >
> > > > Into The Valley
> > > >
> > > > We must pass through
> > > >
> > > > Before
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I can't
> > > >
> > > > Tell you why
> > > >
> > > > It's been that way
> > > >
> > > > For O' so long
> > > >
> > > > Nnnn I can't change overnight
> > > >
> > > > But, I'll try for you my darling
> > > >
> > > > I can sort this out
> > > >
> > > > If you'll be patient with me
> > > >
> > > > While I wield
> > > >
> > > > My
> > > >
> > > > Own
> > > >
> > > > End
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > fourth
> > > >
> > > > Take your time and I'll
> > > >
> > > > Take mine
> > > >
> > > > Change your mind and I'll
> > > >
> > > > Change mine
> > > >
> > > > Hurry up with what won't slow you down
> > > >
> > > > Somehow
> > > >
> > > > Give them what they want and hide what matters most
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > And never let them take this
> > > >
> > > > Away
> > > >
> > > > That's when they
> > > >
> > > > Will come
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Make your rise slow
> > > >
> > > > So it last
> > > >
> > > > Paint your eyes
> > > >
> > > > The deepest black
> > > >
> > > > Look yourself over in the mirror and find out
> > > >
> > > > Where you're at
> > > >
> > > > Demons take their time because
> > > >
> > > > That's all they have
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > And never let them take
> > > >
> > > > Yours away
> > > >
> > > > That's when they
> > > >
> > > > Will come
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Nevertheless the signs they always point to yes
> > > >
> > > > The more you resist the tighter their grip
> > > >
> > > > Nevertheless the signs they always point to death
> > > >
> > > > The more you persist the grander your gift
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > And never let them take
> > > >
> > > > Yours away
> > > >
> > > > That's when they
> > > >
> > > > Will come
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Couldn't make up my mind
> > > >
> > > > On what it is I'm supposed to do
> > > >
> > > > Couldn't take you away
> > > >
> > > > Even if I wanted too
> > > >
> > > > Maybe next time
> > > >
> > > > I'll try another way
> > > >
> > > > Sounds to me
> > > >
> > > > Like pouring rain
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Settle down before they come
> > > >
> > > > To take you away again
> > > >
> > > > I'm sure together
> > > >
> > > > We can find our way
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Where were you all along
> > > >
> > > > Where were you today
> > > >
> > > > Where were you all along
> > > >
> > > > I waited until morning came
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > *
> > > >
> > >
> >
>
>
>
> --
> Janet Jackson: Words with attitude & soul
> Poems Performances Workshops Courses
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>
> [log in to unmask]
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>
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>
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> [log in to unmask]
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>
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>
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