Thanks Dave, Doug and Andrew for the positive comments.
And I'll think about your suggestion Doug. I have read the poem out a few times and am not sure either way now (but I am a bit tired at the moment).
My head says that 'see only' is better than 'only see' but when I read it out I stutter over 'see only'. I can't explain it. It may be a cross-cultural anomaly or perhaps it is my Midlands accent creeping in somewhere.
Thanks again
Tina
-------------------------------------------------------------- [log in to unmask] http://www.fatmandancing.co.uk http://www.myspace.com/fat_man_dancing
> Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 08:27:31 -0600
> From: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Snap: Bass
> To: [log in to unmask]
>
> I like this, Tina, cut to the bone.
>
> Maybe 'see only' . . . ?
>
> Doug
> On 24-Jun-09, at 1:24 PM, Tina Bass wrote:
>
> > sports day
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > gun
> >
> > displaying
> >
> > three drops of love
> >
> > along her arm
> >
> > hearts
> >
> > where I can only see broken
> >
> > machines
> >
> > flesh
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > -------------------------------------------------------------- [log in to unmask]
> > http://www.fatmandancing.co.uk http://www.myspace.com/fat_man_dancing
> >
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
> Wednesdays'
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
>
> The abandoned world offers its wild particulars,
> leaves in the air, a single leaf on water.
> ............
> The rain falls like rain.
>
> David Helwig
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