You are the second reader to reference Emily! & I hadn't thought of her at
all while working on this.
I'm being obsessive about this poem, which is good -- haven't experienced
that in a long time.
You will see another revision.
On Tue, Jun 16, 2009 at 3:31 AM, Judy Prince
<[log in to unmask]>wrote:
> I like the slants, Sharon. If Dickinson could use dashes, you can use
> slants. They don't detract, and they seem a nice organic linker/separator.
> I rather liked the bathtub and sink, so let me offer a way to keep them in
> but that, as you've done below, acknowledges "time cracked"=porcelain:
>
> "of a bed / time cracked like [an] old porcelain
> bathtub/flower-scrolled wedding clock/cream pitcher"
>
> [Some of my not-great examples on 2nd line for visual reminders]
>
> Lovely stuff, Sharon!
>
> Judy
>
>
>
>
> 2009/6/15 sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]>
>
> > I have never made a poem in anything remotely like this form -- clearly I
> > am
> > trying to do something, something new, but I don't know what:
> >
> >
> >
> > The House-Bound Ventures Out
> >
> > she prepares for days hoarding
> > energy / fireflies in a glass jar /
> > examines clothing for marks
> > of wear / a hole in the knee / buttons
> > cracked or missing / missing / stains
> > on the embroidered breast / amulets
> > in the pocket / earrings
> > finger rings / key ring
> >
> > her eyes widen / she can feel the lids
> > stretch / at the distant horizon / far
> > mountains / clouds / the river
> > high dark fast / pulling / at its banks
> > trees bent down in the water
> >
> > a drive through the neighborhood
> > of biography / victorian towered flats / the hall
> > of a bed / time cracked / old porcelain
> > cottonwood flurries at the windshield
> > out-of-season seed-storm / wide-winged
> > dark-tipped osprey / young-one
> > gliding in the still air
> >
> > boarded storefronts / bowling alley
> > gone / in its place modern cantilevered
> > apartments across from the slumped motel
> > where once she lived husbanded / loving /
> > loved / daytime soap operas the drama
> > of housewifery punctuated by books
> > physics / philosophy / poetry
> >
> > she buys new fish for the slaughtered pond
> > tiny shells & silk cord threading through narrow
> > street after wide avenue / this old woman /
> > green maples and ash trees
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> >
> > sharon brogan
> >
> > http://www.sbpoet.com
> > http://www.sbpoet.net
> > http://smallpoems.sbpoet.net
> >
>
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