"where I only see broken"?
[ie, delete "can", and put "only" before "see"]---just to add to your
options, Tina <g>
Best,
Judy
2009/6/26 Tina Bass <[log in to unmask]>
> Thanks Dave, Doug and Andrew for the positive comments.
>
> And I'll think about your suggestion Doug. I have read the poem out a few
> times and am not sure either way now (but I am a bit tired at the moment).
>
> My head says that 'see only' is better than 'only see' but when I read it
> out I stutter over 'see only'. I can't explain it. It may be a
> cross-cultural anomaly or perhaps it is my Midlands accent creeping in
> somewhere.
>
>
>
> Thanks again
>
>
>
> Tina
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> [log in to unmask] http://www.fatmandancing.co.uk
> http://www.myspace.com/fat_man_dancing
>
>
>
> > Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 08:27:31 -0600
> > From: [log in to unmask]
> > Subject: Re: Snap: Bass
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> >
> > I like this, Tina, cut to the bone.
> >
> > Maybe 'see only' . . . ?
> >
> > Doug
> > On 24-Jun-09, at 1:24 PM, Tina Bass wrote:
> >
> > > sports day
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > gun
> > >
> > > displaying
> > >
> > > three drops of love
> > >
> > > along her arm
> > >
> > > hearts
> > >
> > > where I can only see broken
> > >
> > > machines
> > >
> > > flesh
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --------------------------------------------------------------
> [log in to unmask]
> > > http://www.fatmandancing.co.uk http://www.myspace.com/fat_man_dancing
> > >
> >
> > Douglas Barbour
> > [log in to unmask]
> >
> > http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> >
> > Latest books:
> > Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> > http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
> > Wednesdays'
> >
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
> >
> > The abandoned world offers its wild particulars,
> > leaves in the air, a single leaf on water.
> > ............
> > The rain falls like rain.
> >
> > David Helwig
>
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