Thanks Kasper,
your comments made me realise the crass first stanza didn't really belong with its more demure companions (which can stand on their own two feet as a dainty little poem), so I lopped it off and went in search of a more fitting body for its boof head:
The great swamping rains came
And plonked their arse
Right over Bellingen
Stirring a troubled pot
Of pixel stew - violet,
Bottle-green and caerulean.
Brian
--- On Fri, 22/5/09, kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> From: kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Re: Swamping Rains
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Received: Friday, 22 May, 2009, 8:32 PM
> hey there Brian!
> a snap is loosely defined; some general characteristics
> that I've observed
> are that it's either a speed-written poem, a first draft of
> a poem, or
> something else relatively ex-tempore. seems that this fits
> the bill.
>
> I enjoyed the poem (or snap) too; the imagery is slightly
> grubby & quite
> evocative. I see the tonal idea with using "plonked their
> arse...", but it
> really detracts from the feel of the rest of the poem for
> me. I love the
> river=dog image, and the blazing maples (for heightened
> assonance, you might
> consider removing 'sugar'?).
>
> thanks for this, and welcome.
>
> KS
>
> 2009/5/22 Brian Hawkins <[log in to unmask]>
>
> > The great swamping rains came
> > And plonked their arse
> > Right over Bellingen.
> >
> > Summer evaporated
> > Into woodsmoke as the river
> > Rose up like an angry brown dog
> >
> > Snapping at falling leaves,
> > And the sugar maples blazed
> > On the highway with noone to see them.
> >
> >
> >
> > I'm new to this list. Could someone tell me what
> a snap is? Is this poem
> > a snap? It even has the word snap in it! sort
> of.
> >
> > No spring down here (subtropical NSW), autumn full
> bore flooding our little
> > valleys.
> >
> > Brian
> >
> >
> >
> >
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