the dark undresses her
as though she were alone
she is alone
on the stage
with the pole
cheeres P :-)
-----Original Message-----
From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Tim Allen
Sent: 19 February 2009 17:27
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Snap - what she does
I have to agree with Andrew here, especially about the 'cutesy'
inversion. Now here is a darker one altogether...
the dark undresses her
as though she were alone
she is alone
Tim A.
On 18 Feb 2009, at 23:14, andrew burke wrote:
> Well, perhaps I am a natural dissenter, but this poem doesn't do it
> for me
> because of the cutesy abstraction of reversing the obvious image -
> undressing the night. An original and imaginative concrete
> description of
> her actions in the night would achieve a far greater emotional
> response in
> this reader, for one. Martin is a gentle man and a gentleman - he has
> filtered the gently erotic image through his sensibilities, shyly.
> Pull
> aside the curtain, Martin, and write it with passion!
>
> Andrew
>
>
> 2009/2/19 Millicent Accardi <[log in to unmask]>
>
>> I LOVE this poem Martin!
>>
>>
>> Cheers,
>>
>> Millicent
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]>
>> To: [log in to unmask]
>> Sent: Wed, 18 Feb 2009 8:46 am
>> Subject: Re: Snap - what she does
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> lovely poem, Martin, and thank you! sheila
>>
>> On Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 3:20 AM, Martin Dolan <[log in to unmask]
>>> wrote:
>>
>>> she undresses the dark
>>> smoothly, without hurry
>>> as though she were alone
>>>
>>> she undresses the dark
>>> there beside the window
>>> and stands in the moonlight
>>>
>>> she undresses the dark
>>> by touch, without looking
>>> and night falls to the floor
>>>
>>
>
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
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