On Thu, 15 Jan 2009 08:35:24 -0800, Douglas Barbour
<[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> isually acute, Robert.
> although I wonder what would happen if you took out the 'we'....
Douglas,
I tried your suggestion, not knowing if you meant the first "we" I took
out all of them and made a couple of other adjustments, syllable count
bedamned. See what you think...rob.
stars redone
took a blanket into the field,
dark hot humid summer night, no moon.
between times watched as the fireflies,
sharp points stark against the shadowed ridge,
sparkled, rising to the ridge's crest,
then merging into the night sky's stars.
for a time didn't look at them.
after, watched the moon overtake
stars, fireflies paling in its wake.
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