Would agree completely, Cindy; Sheila's thoughtful take, just seeing
what's really emerging from the stone, feels solid to me.
'folding net of' is really lovely....
Doug
On 14-Jan-09, at 9:12 AM, Sheila Murphy wrote:
> Cindy, I really appreciate your sending this to the list, and having a
> chance to look at and hear it. I was thinking about an interesting
> shift
> that you might consider, also:
>
> Here in her garden, the buffering dark
> secures me; smoke on my breath
> traces languid forms, that scatter against plants
> bloated white with floodlight
>
> Above, the folding net of stars
> perfect, immutable, untouchable
> ______
>
> What you have here is something that intrigues, minus "talking about
> it."
>
> You might think about allow the poem itself to tell us (possibly you
> would
> wish to add more along the vein of what is shown above).
Douglas Barbour
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http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
Latest books:
Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
Wednesdays'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
Oh, goddamnit, we forgot the silent prayer.
Dwight D, Eisenhower
[at a cabinet meeting]
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