The 'poetic/intellectual' bit is meant to be a set-up for the fall of 'Hot
enough for you?' - self deprecating humour, a bad habit of mine.
I'm working on the thing but can't please everyone! so I might as well
please myself (is that a Jackson Browne line?).
I'm looking at the thematic concerns as well as the lingo at present.
Sharpening my pencil.
Andrew
2009/1/14 Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
> Maybe me bt why do I find the poetic/intellectual bit heavy intrudes (prob
> cause I have a small brain?) the the cryptic lyricism of
>
> an ancient tongue wriggling in the minds
>
> of late capitalist man.
>
> And last line is weak - with Magic Happens on her back window. -Has a
> lovely
> possibility
> Cheers P the grumpy today holding clouds at bay baying bay watch hoho
> Pps now shoot me!!
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of andrew burke
> Sent: 13 January 2009 08:27
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: draft for comment
>
> I proffer this one up for discussionm - a second draft, so not even set in
> wet cement yet.
>
> *Coffee at Gloria Jean's*
>
>
>
> 'Keith the Butcher is better suited
>
> to conduct my funeral than
>
> Father Fahey,' Frank said in Gloria Jean's,
>
> the shopping centre café, coffee tasting
>
> of burnt tar, chocolate chip muffin
>
> crumbling on his off-white face.
>
> Mock-colonial windows framed smiling
>
> consumers sitting down to relieve aching backs
>
> and knotted varicose veins. 'None
>
> of that God stuff as they send me off,
>
> mate. Dead's dead, that's it.'
>
> I fore went a second cup, threaded
>
> my fingers through
>
> plastic hoops of supermarket
>
> bags, and stood to go. 'See ya, mate,'
>
> I said. 'Not if I see you first,' Frank retorted
>
> in place of wit. I waved
>
> a loose finger and headed for the car park,
>
> mentally ticking off the list as I went. Fingertips
>
> reddened and white welts pulsed as I
>
> propped the shopping against the back bumper,
>
> clicked unlock on the key and threw open
>
> the boot, thinking of the metaphors
>
> of everyday, the cryptic lyricism of
>
> an ancient tongue wriggling in the minds
>
> of late capitalist man. 'Hot enough
>
> for you?' said the woman from
>
> next door with Magic Happens on her back window.
>
> 'Sure is,' I smiled, surfacing
>
> from my reverie and dropping the boot.
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
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>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
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