I think you did beautifully! Besides, like the birth of a child, when a
poem's ready to arrive, it will artfully confound sleep.
J
2008/12/26 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
> Well it's the best I can do at just after four o'clock in the morning
> local time, Judy! I do know what you mean about making the analogy
> 'worked', that's why I left it at four lines.
>
> Care
>
> Dave
>
> 2008/12/27 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>:
> > Gorgeous last line, especially, Dave. I keep wanting to take out "snowed
> by
> > the fall of" bcuz it seems 'worked' to extend the analogy, whereas 'the
> > slush of waking' and 'the soft slow flakes' play----perfectly balanced,
> > gently startling, thought-bringing.
> > Best,
> >
> > Judy
> >
> >
> > 2008/12/26 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
> >
> >> Even as I remember them, they fall from me.
> >> Perhaps we were once a part, apart now
> >> in the slush of waking, snowed by the fall
> >> of the soft slow flakes of shall we call it time?
> >>
> >> --
> >> David Bircumshaw
> >> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> >> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
> >> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> >> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
> >>
> >
>
>
>
> --
> David Bircumshaw
> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
>
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