Ah, I see. Thanks.
The poem's splendid, Dave; I only had a minor suggestion. All else was my
happy rushing [possibly unintelligible] review.
Sorry about the dotty d's; I've had a few, too, but your poem lifted them
well with its radiance. Hope you'll have time to re-read it!
Best,
Judy
2008/12/9 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
> I was just trying to emphasise that I was open to suggestions for
> emendations, Judy, as I writ it fast, that's all, I haven't even
> re-read it since I posted it, y'know, too many dotty distractions
> going on.
>
> Best
>
> Dave
>
> 2008/12/9 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>:
> > As some say over here, Dave: "No---thank *you!" ;-)
> > The time it takes to write a spectacular poem-----doesn't matter. If we
> > thought it did, well once again the Muse would fool us, tangle us in our
> > urge to formula our art production, laughing at our serious measures and
> > rabbit's feet.
> >
> > That said, a lovely Christmas dinner with a dear friend does seem
> catalytic.
> >
> > Best,
> >
> > Judy
> >
> >
> >
> > 2008/12/8 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
> >
> >> Oh Judy, thank you. I'm sure there are changes I could make to the
> >> piece: I wrote it in as long as it took me to type it out as an e-mail
> >> message, maybe five minutes. I just wanted to have a bit of fun with
> >> language and whimsy.
> >>
> >> I've been having problems with poetry myself of late, but then it
> >> suddenly wakes again in one, at two o'clock in the morning after a
> >> doze following an early Christmas dinner with a friend in this case.
> >>
> >> Best
> >>
> >> Dave
> >>
> >> 2008/12/8 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>:
> >> > Dave,
> >> > A thing of beauty, poetry, poetry, oh I have missed reading poetry,
> but
> >> you
> >> > restart all my poetry synapses, thank God [or oneself if you're
> Patrick
> >> the
> >> > humanist].
> >> > 'blotched fur'---yes!
> >> >
> >> > alliteration in alliteration: 'options of prods, probes' and a
> necessary
> >> > not-allit 'questions'
> >> >
> >> > sight and sound allit in allit: 'eyes, ears and silence' intro'ed and
> >> > concluded w played-'o's: 'droop' and 'told'
> >> >
> >> > 'furry' nights; 'blankets of together'
> >> >
> >> > more allits in allits: 'trudges' ... 'mud'; 'back-scratching, bad
> >> breath'
> >> > end-stopped with a pause and drumbeat: 'prose' [jazz syncopation]
> >> >
> >> > more allits in allits: 'dream' ... 'screaming' ['pot-plants']...
> >> > 'creatures' ... 'remain wrapped'
> >> >
> >> > sweet shock of 'back-scratching, bad breath, prose'!!!!!! [again,
> jazz
> >> > syncopation on the end drumbeat: BA ba ba, BA ba---BA! [I'll spare
> you
> >> > notation in Judy's Metric System, tho really you must become an adept]
> >> >
> >> > Suggested change: Do you think this would fit; it seemed to work for
> me
> >> > when I tried it: In 1st stanza, add 'us' at the end of the 3rd line;
> >> then
> >> > delete 'that' at beginning of the next line. There's a subtle diff in
> >> > meaning with that change; not sure if the change'll destroy that
> meaning.
> >> >
> >> > Thanks for the hug of childhood and the laugh of grownhood!
> >> >
> >> > Judy
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > 2008/12/7 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
> >> >
> >> >> There was sadness in the creatures, and blotched fur.
> >> >> We considered the options of prods, probes, questions
> >> >> but the droop of their eyes, ears and silence told
> >> >> that we were the cause of their sorrow. How furry
> >> >>
> >> >> our nights had once been, what warm blankets
> >> >> of together had once covered us, what intimacies
> >> >> of teddy-bears and dolls had the world held
> >> >> before the talk ceased to be imaginary
> >> >>
> >> >> and turned into financial reports, peer reviews,
> >> >> collusions of hadrons, long trudges in the mud
> >> >> of gossip, back-scratching, bad breath, prose.
> >> >>
> >> >> Once I woke from a dream of pot-plants screaming
> >> >> as they died at their owners' hands: yet the creatures
> >> >> remain, wrapped in their sadness, like shrouds.
> >> >>
> >> >> --
> >> >> David Bircumshaw
> >> >> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> >> >> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
> >> >> The Animal Subsides
> http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> >> >> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
> >> >>
> >> >
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> --
> >> David Bircumshaw
> >> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> >> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
> >> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> >> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
> >>
> >
>
>
>
> --
> David Bircumshaw
> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
>
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